The Mommy Melt Down Begins

"There isn't a child who hasn't gone out into the brave new world who eventually doesn't return to the old homestead carrying a bundle of dirty clothes." ~Art Buchwald

I've actually done better with the idea of Jacob leaving home than I thought I would. I'm trying hard to be brave and put on a good face when I speak to him about life in the dorm and the wonderful world of university. When asked by friends how I'm feeling about facing an empty nest, I say "I'm doing just fine. This experience will be wonderful for Jacob. It is important for his growth and I'm happy for him as he embarks on this exciting journey." Sounds like the right answer and it's basically true.

I've been okay as I gather the things he'll need for September. Bedding - check. Towels - check. Fridge - check. Dishes - check. I'm well ahead of the game. We have the whole summer after all. We still have lots of time to hang out together. Why does the newspaper say it's July 31? It can't be. Oh God! And the meltdown begins.

I don't want Jacob to feel bad about going or guilty about leaving us behind so I'm trying not to show how much I'm struggling. My own parents laid enough of that guilt on me to make me feel strongly that I don't want to do the same to my child. I won't be telling him that I will die when he goes (which is what my dad told me). I won't tell him how my heart is breaking at the thought of not seeing him everyday (that was my mom). And I'm not worried he'll read about my angst here because I'm pretty sure he doesn't read my blog.

But my reality today is that I'm on the brink of tears. At the end of next week, Jacob will be going away for two weeks. That means he has just three weeks at home before he moves into residence. I don't know when that happened. And frankly, I don't know how I'm going to get through it. I know I should be happy for him and I am. I know I should see his success in making this transition as a testament to how well we've prepared him and I do. I know it's the best thing for him. I know he'll do great. I know he will thrive. I know I'll adjust. I know. I know. I know.

Today I'm struggling. My baby is getting ready to leave home.