Reflections on a Year Gone By

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.
~Alfred, Lord Tennyson, 1850

I've heard many people say in the last days of this year that they will be happy to see the end of 2009. Newscasters, political pundits, economists and friends speak of what a difficult year it was and for many, that was their reality. On balance, though, it was not mine. Though 2009 brought some challenges, it brought many more gifts.

2009 was a year of reconnection. After more than thirty years, I reconnected with my dear friend Miriam. She sent me a letter last spring though with no phone number or email address attached. Through the wonders of the internet, I tracked her down and called her within ten minutes of receiving the letter. It has been truly wonderful. I also reconnected with my friend Sheila and several old friends and colleagues who live outside of Canada. Those connections were a gift from LinkedIn. A family wedding reconnected me with my cousin Francis in Michigan. That has been a true blessing.

2009 was a year of new friendships. Jacob's friend Jonathan has been a member of our family for these past four years and though I love him like a son, it was not until this year that I really became friends with his other mother, Josee - the one who gave him birth. I don't know why it took so long but getting to know Josee and the other members of Jono's family has been a great gift. My friendships with others whose children have filled my home these past years have also deepened in 2009. I feel so blessed to have these wonderful people in my life, most especially Judy and Marc, Samia and Pietro and Nancy and Aivars.

2009 was a year of transition. Jacob graduated from high school with honours and awards and made a successful transition to university. Merv and I managed to successfully transition to life in our empty nest. It is definitely different but a year ago I wasn't sure if I could even survive it. I've done just fine.

2009 was a year of exploration. We spent two weeks in Hawaii in March for our last spring break family trip. In October, Merv and I spent nine days in Rome. Both were amazing holidays and both were high up on my bucket list.

2009 was a year of professional challenge and growth. The demands of my board work escalated. Some of that was great - some less than great. But at the very least it has always been stimulating. I've had some great work assignments this year from team building in Calgary to a successful resolution in my first assignment as a mediator. I've done fraud investigation, policy development, merger and acquisition support, recruitment and business development. I've had work when I needed it and time off when I needed that. In January, I will start a three month consulting contract at my beloved Willow where I will be taking a hiatus from the board while I work at the agency. I am hopeful that the new year will also bring more mediation work.

So 2009, thank you for each day - the gifts and the challenges. I am smarter and wiser than when you started. 2010, bring it on. I'm ready!

Mediating in the Christmas Spirit

It came without ribbons, It came without tags, It came without packages, boxes, or bags. Christmas can't be bought from a store... Maybe Christmas means a little bit more. - Dr. Seuss

Today was day two of the mediation I started last week and as I had feared, the loss of momentum from the first day, started us on the wrong foot this morning. One of the parties was experiencing some buyer's remorse and wanted to roll back the concessions he so grudgingly made last week. Once again, neither party was optimistic that we would reach a deal today. If anything, the divide seemed a little wider than when we started. But it is Christmas week and I went in to this mediation with the firm resolve that we would settle it. I called upon the spirit of the season, massaged a lot of feelings, listened to a lot of angst, ran up and down the stairs a few dozen times (parties on different floors) and hoped with all my might. After five hours, we signed a deal. Handshakes, hugs and Christmas wishes ensued.

I have now put aside all work and thoughts of work until after Christmas. A little more decorating has been done. A few more presents have been wrapped and placed under the tree. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve - my favorite day of the year. Joy to the world!

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

"Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful." ~Norman Vincent Peale

The big push is officially on to get the house ready for Christmas. Today I decorated the upstairs tree, put the finishing touches on the foyer garland, made a trip to Creative Bag for my holiday wrappings and put out all the candles I bought to compliment my gold and white Italian Christmas theme. It's been a busy day.

Tomorrow I'm planning to prepare the table gifts that I bought in Rome as well as the ten small panettones I bought yesterday as a second gift for each place setting. The panettones will be individually wrapped in gold netting and tied with white ribbon. The men's gifts of murano glass bottle stoppers will be tied to their panettones. The women's gifts of murano glass pendants will be placed in gold and white crystalline bags and attached to their dinner napkins. I think the table will look nice. I plan to pick up a small low arrangement of white roses and will place a few gold candles on the table which will be covered in a white cloth. Elegant but festive is my aim for this year.

The last few days have brought three unexpected gifts - beautiful Christmas ornaments from my young friend Sara, a lovely pair of blue leather gloves from my very generous friend Ginny and a set of dishes and dip bases from my friend Linda. I'm overwhelmed. All of those gifts were complete surprises. I am reminded that I have wonderful people in my life.

As I've been working on the house preparation today, I've been thinking a lot about the challenges and gifts of this past year. Before the calendar changes to 2010, I hope to share some reflections on the year with all of you. In the event I do not find my way back to this blog before Christmas, I wish you the most joyous of holidays.

A Strong-Willed Mediator

“This is a strong-willed mediator who does not want to declare the mediation process dead yet.” - Ken Wasch

Jacob is home and all is right with the world. We picked him up late Tuesday afternoon. He looks wonderful, still struggling with a cold but getting a bit better each day. I'm feeding him well and hugging and kissing him a lot and he's letting me. Today he and I will do some Christmas shopping - I have only a little left to do - really just Merv and I need Jacob's help for that. It's good to have my techie home.

The house painting will be finished today. The painters have done a great job. They've been working long hours because of their diminished numbers and have been trying in earnest to finish as quickly as possible to enable me to get my house ready for Christmas. This morning they told me how much they have enjoyed being in our home as they sense it is filled with love and they are happy to be here in this Christmas season. For the first time this year, I can say I'm really happy with the service that has been provided through a home renovation company. I will be recommending this company, Finer Edge and these men in particular, to everyone I know who is looking for painters.

Yesterday I launched my mediation practice with an employment dispute between an engineering firm and a long-time employee. Neither side went into the mediation with much optimism that a resolution could be reached but I was determined to get us there. Unfortunately we didn't quite make it but the process is not over yet. It took much of my day to get any movement on one side but once we were there, we began to gain momentum. As the day unfolded, the parties threw hurdles into my path - one after the other. The corporate representative didn't have the authority to make a deal. We started late to accommodate travel needs but a certain party neglected to tell us that she was required to leave early to attend to a family commitment. High emotions and hurt feelings needed a great deal of massaging. We ran out of time. The good news is that the parties all agreed to reconvene next Wednesday and try to get the rest of the way there. I'm hoping the Christmas spirit will have invaded all their psyches by then and we will actually reach an agreement that will make everyone feel like they've won.

No More Sleeps

“Never invest in anything that eats or needs painting” - Billy Rose

One of our painters went home sick yesterday and by this morning they were dropping like flies. We have two painters left which means there is no way they can finish tomorrow. The crew supervisor is now telling me Friday will be the completion date. The painters don't look so sure. I'm hoping they can at least finish the living room and dining room today so we can begin to put some order back into those rooms. It's going to take me a couple of days to refill the cabinets and get those rooms in order for Christmas. I also can't manage to stay in the house with the painters for the next four days so I've finally broken down and given the painters a key. Jacob and I will be home tomorrow when they are here but I'm out at mediation on Thursday and I'm sure Jacob will be visiting his friends. The painters seem like good guys so I will just trust that all will be well.

The end of exams finally comes for Jacob this morning. Merv and I will be driving to Guelph this afternoon to pick him up. I've been like a little kid these past two weeks, counting the number of sleeps until Jacob's arrival home for the holidays. I got up this morning with a sense of excitement. No more sleeps. Today is the day he is finally coming home. In a few minutes I will head out to the grocery store to lay in a supply of comfort foods. I plan to fatten Jacob up a bit while he is home.

I attended a moms dinner last night hosted by Antoinette, mother of Anthony, one of the seven boys who I count as my sons. Only Judy, Nancy and I were able to get there in this busy holiday season. But we had the unexpected pleasure of being joined by Antoinette's husband, John and Nancy's husband, Aivers. Antoinette is a great cook and she made a delicious meal which left me completely stuffed. Anthony is home from school for the holidays so I got a chance to hug and kiss him. He lives in residence at York University's Glendon College which is only about two kilometers from our house. As much as I had hoped he would come and visit, he has not, nor has Robbie, who attends University of Toronto. I bought Olympic gear for each of my seven boys and sent five of those items as care packages to the other boys. I was holding out with Anthony and Rob in the hope they would visit me but I brought Anthony's last night and sent Robbie's home with Judy.

I'm hoping all my boys will find some time to gather here during the holidays. I miss them all so much.

Rants and Raves

“Tiger! Tiger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?”

- William Blake

The salient details of Tiger Woods' dalliances have filled the news these past two weeks. Once again the Toronto Star ran a front page feature today. Merv and I went to a party last night and the Tiger saga was the talk of the night. I can't figure out why this story still has legs, two weeks after it first broke. NBC ran a special investigation story on Friday night. CNN has dealt with every aspect of the story (or sometimes non-story) as breaking news. The unveiling of each new tryst has been headline news. Why? Tiger Woods is a professional athlete. He is not a politician. He is not a priest. I don't ever recall him standing in front of a microphone and saying that he is a paragon of virtue or a role model for our children. I've never heard him sling mud at another man who has violated his wedding vows in the same way. He's a golfer - arguably the best golfer in the world, but a golfer just the same. Christmas is on our doorstep. People are starving in Africa. The war rages on in Iraq and our soldiers continue to die in Afghanistan. Our unemployment rate is high and many of our neighbours are struggling to get through tough times. Instead of spending time focusing on Tiger's broken marriage, perhaps we could better spend our time and energy on figuring out how to heal our very broken world. Tiger turned out to be a cad. Who cares?

Merv and I went to the theater on Friday night to see "Stuff Happens". Frankly, it was a bit tedious, feeling more like a docu-drama than like a night of entertainment. Merv slept through most of it and I didn't poke him to wake him up until he snored. We have a Mirvish subscription so each month we see a production at one of the Mirvish theaters. Friday night we were at the Royal Alex. I remember the days when a night at the theater brought out people in their finery. Now, the dress of choice for the vast majority seems to be jeans. Friday night, even jeans seemed above the standard of many in the crowd. There were a lot of sweat pants and apparel so sloppy, I wouldn't dress that way to go to the grocery store. Other things at the theater have changed too. It used to be that patrons were required to enjoy their intermission drinks and snacks in the lobbies and reception rooms. Food and drink were not allowed in the seating areas. Now, consumables are welcomed in the theater. Small tumblers of soft drinks have been replaced with McDonald's style lidded cups filled with ice and drinks slurped noisily through straws. Though candy is sold in lidded containers, patrons bring in treats in cellophane bags which they crunch and crumble even in the quietest of moments. People talk and shuffle. The man next to me on Friday was clearly struggling with gas - burping and tooting throughout the night. I miss the days of civility at the theater.

Last evening's dinner at our neighbours' home was an absolute delight. Their eclectic group of eleven guests meshed as if we were long-time friends. Susan and Mike, as always were warm and gracious and they served an outstanding Indian meal. By the end of dinner, I was so stuffed I didn't know how I would summon up the skills to waddle home. I can hardly recall a night spent in better company. We were a rainbow of people who shared the commonalities of passionate parenthood, interest in world events and joy in the camaraderie of friends. The evening felt like a blessing and a celebration of our good fortune in living in a city of diversity and for Merv and I, in an neighbourhood of community and wonderful people.

Walking With Cake

"As in earlier days were our mechanics, such today are our engineers, who may be required not only to tear down a fortress, and then to build it up again, but also to produce all sorts of engines based on mechanical principles, and with equal ease to defend or to annihilate a fortress." - Jakob Leupold

I found myself struggling to sleep at 3:00 this morning. I can't believe I'm having exam anxiety again though I've been out of university for thirty-four years. It is exam week for Jacob and he has been fraught with anxiety over the mechanics exam he was writing this morning. He wrote his calculus exam last Monday and felt he had done well. Yesterday morning he wrote computer programming after which he sent me a text message that read "Cake walk". But mechanics is another story. He was so worried about it. That, of course, meant I was also really worried - thus my inability to sleep. I had to be up very early this morning, in any event, as the painters were scheduled to arrive at 7:30 and I really don't want to greet them in my pajamas. I got up, dressed, made a pot of strong coffee, greeted the painters and prayed for Jacob's success. I summoned my best mother energy to send him, called on the spirit of my dad and all the loved ones my dad keeps company with and waited. Jacob's exam was at 8:30. Allowing for the two hour time frame, I expected to hear from him around 10:45. At 10:08, my blackberry dinged. I took a deep breath and read the message, "Finished in an hour. Once again, walking with cake".

I can't even begin to express my relief and my delight. I called Jacob immediately. We were both giddy. He plans to take a day off from studying and just have some fun today. I'm was happy to hear that. Monday night he will write his chemistry exam. Tuesday morning he will write his exam in engineering design. Tuesday afternoon he will be home. I can hardly wait.

And though I'm housebound with painters for the next four weekdays, I'm still having some fun. I shared an enjoyable holiday dinner last night with my friends Jen and Mike who were colleagues at Alliance Atlantis. Tonight Merv and I will be at the Royal Alex to see Stuff Happens. Tomorrow night we will have dinner with our neighbours. Life is good.

Tests and Exams

“The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.” - Tom Bodett

The last couple of days have been brutal, in the business sense. Some serious problems requiring a great deal of my time and energy arose at one of the agencies where I sit on the board. It's not that I can't take it in stride, it's just that I hate seeing how much it upsets other people. It will, no doubt, all get resolved but feelings and reputations will be unfairly bruised in the process. I'm still trying to figure out why people just can't be kinder to one another.

My early morning found me downtown trying to deal with issues. Traffic was horrible and though I left very early, it took me more than an hour to get where I needed to go. I was fortunate enough to find a parking spot on the street in front of the building. I ran outside twice to feed the meter. I know the parking cops are on the street regularly checking parking validations. I got waylaid on my way to the elevator when leaving. The five minute delay in getting to my car cost me $30. I swear the cop must have been standing next to my car waiting for the clock to turn over so he could issue the ticket.

I needed to race home to meet the painter who was coming in to do the colour match for the painting that will now be starting Friday instead of Thursday. I'm starting to think I may pass on putting up two trees this year. Perhaps we will settle for just one tree downstairs. It's going to be hard enough to get the house ready for Christmas once the painters are done. I am scheduled to do a mediation on the 17th (my first in the role as mediator) and the painters don't expect to be finished until the 16th. Challenges abound. Much of the last few days has felt like a colossal test of my juggling skills.

After getting off a late board call tonight, I texted Jacob to see how he is doing. He is in the middle of exams and I'm trying to be extra supportive. He's not having a good day. For a start, he is sick again, struggling with a sore throat, congestion and fatigue. He is tired of the food at school. Tired of his "jail cell" dorm room. Worried about his mechanics exam. He wants to come home. I offered to drive to Guelph, and check him into the hotel across the street from campus where he could enjoy a large, comfortable bed, peace and quiet and room service. I offered to pick him up and bring him home for the weekend. I offered to bring him homemade soup and a humidifier for his room. He declined all offers. He says as long as he knows that I will be here when he gets home on Tuesday after his last exam, he will be all right. He can tough it out. I admire that he is being so brave. It's good to know he misses home so much but I wish it was easier for him. As much as he misses being here, it's not nearly equal to how much I miss having him here. He's being brave. Me - not so much.

Chaos and Carols

“What we imagine is order is merely the prevailing form of chaos.” - Kerry Thornley

The window and door saga has finally reached its conclusion. The patio door was properly fixed on Wednesday putting an end to the longest window installation project in history. I am relieved to be done with it and happy to see the end of the stream of incompetent service men who have trooped through my house for the past six months. But the end of window installation has really just brought us to our next project. The painters start on Thursday. We are already living in chaos as Merv started the process today of packing up and moving all the breakables in the china cabinets in the living room, dining room and foyer. The painting should take three to four days which will put the end around December 15. I had a plumber in on Wednesday to deal with the guest bathroom leak that resulted in water damage to the dining room ceiling. He sealed the leak but left us with a big hole in the dining room ceiling. Merv took care of it this weekend. We are pretty much ready for the painting to begin.

Because I will be housebound again this week and next, I've been trying to get my Christmas shopping finished. I spent a few hours at Vaughn Mills on Friday and stopped into Fairview Mall this afternoon. The malls were crowded and exceedingly noisy. I've never heard so many crying babies and seen so many badly behaved children in my life. I don't handle the chaos as well as I used to. I did as much shopping as I could do in the time I could handle being in the malls, both times fleeing before I lost the few vestiges of sanity I have left. I will try again tomorrow, this time at Bayview Village. Perhaps Monday shopping will be a little less chaotic.

I arrived at The Houses of Providence today in time to enjoy the last fifteen minutes of a holiday concert. Mom was in the great room enjoying the entertainment along with the other residents. It was good to see her there. She was mostly alert and at times even smiling. Many of the residents joined in singing carols with a small choir accompanied by a two guitar and keyboard trio. I sang along too. I love Christmas carols.

Christmas is my favourite time of the year. I usually count days in the last weeks of November so I can start decorating the house come December 1. This year, decorating will have to wait until the painting is finished. For the next couple of weeks, I will be singing a lot of carols and drinking a lot of eggnog to keep myself in the spirit of the season.

Housebound

"Our houses are such unwieldy property that we are often imprisoned rather than housed in them." - Henry David Thoreau

The new patio door was finally delivered yesterday to replace the shattered one that we've been living with for the last three months. The service man put it in, holding his breath throughout the installation. I was relieved to get it done. The final work to the repair to the kitchen cabinet was also scheduled for this morning. That left me just one more day to have to greet a service man at 7:20 A.M. The early morning visits have been brutal. I don't feel I can greet someone in my pajamas or robe so I've been getting up long before the sun to get myself together. That would be okay if I could sleep at night but sleep has been illusive lately.

I had a board meeting last night that went on far past the scheduled time. When I got home, well after 10:00 I noticed a note Merv had left on the banister. There is a problem with the new door. Though it is unusual, Merv was still up so I followed him to the basement to look at the problem. The new door doesn't slide properly. Attempts to glide it result in it tipping up from the track. Add to that, there is a distinct breeze coming through the bottom of the door - enough that it blows out a lighter held to the base. God help me. I sent a note to the window company today which surprisingly was answered immediately though it was close to 11:00 P.M. They would send someone out ASAP and call me in the morning with details.

So, I have been housebound all day waiting for the call or the service man. I just called them for the second time today only to learn no one will come to look at it until tomorrow. I did, however, have a painting service come in to give me an estimate to do the painting in the foyer, living room and dining room that are now required because of the damage done from the window installation. They will start next week. In the meantime, a plumber will be here tomorrow to work on the leak in the guest bathroom that resulted in water damage to the dining room ceiling. The time frame for his visit is 10:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. so I guess I'm housebound again tomorrow.

Some days, being housebound isn't a big deal. Yesterday I used the time to prepare an investigative report for a client, do some work for one of my boards and complete some Christmas gift projects. I really hoped to get out today to get some errands done but instead I spent my day waiting. Tonight I have another board meeting so those errands aren't going to get done today.

The consolation for me in all of this, is that if all goes well, the house will be perfect for Christmas. The painting should be finished by December 15. I plan to take the following ten days to turn our home into a welcoming Christmas wonderland.