H1N1 and Other Mysteries

"I reckon being ill as one of the great pleasures of life, provided one is not too ill and is not obliged to work till one is better." - Samuel Butler

Maybe it's just me but I'm totally confused about this year's flu season. Every day for the past week, the news has had a different take on what we should be doing to combat the flu apart from hand washing. First we were encouraged to get a flu shot along with an H1N1 shot. Then there was talk that a traditional seasonal shot could raise the risk of getting H1N1. So the news changed to perhaps just getting the H1N1 vaccine. Then we heard that it was okay to have both on the same day. Next it was news that H1N1 vaccines wouldn't be available to the general public until after the seasonal flu shots had been given in November. I don't know what in the heck I'm supposed to do.

I'm a bit bewildered as to why the information has been disseminated in the way it has. Surely the Public Health Department could avoid a lot of grief by waiting to voice an opinion until they actually have one that they are likely to hold for more than a day. It would be a lot less confusing for a whole lot of people. At the rate they're going, I expect they could change their position a dozen more times before the shots actually become available.

In the meantime, I've put a bottle of hand sanitizer in my purse and I'm going to become the new Lady Macbeth of hand washing.

An Alarming Morning

"Many of us have heard opportunity knocking at our door, but by the time we unhooked the chain, pushed back the bolt, turned two locks, and shut off the burglar alarm - it was gone". - Author Unknown

The "moms" stayed fairly late last night - a sure sign of a successful evening. By the time I did some modest clean up, completed a business call (one of the mom's clicked into business mode when she got home and called me) and tumbled into bed it was going on 1:00 A.M. It had been a long day and I was tired - though not the aching fatigue I often feel after hosting a dinner party. Merv has been in Maine since Saturday so as I do when I'm sleeping in the house alone, I armed the alarm and went to sleep. I hoped to sleep in a little bit this morning but it wasn't meant to be. I woke up early, bleary eyed and thinking about what things I should do this morning before the arrival of Claudia, our cleaning lady. I don't like to leave Claudia with a big mess and I didn't get around to hand washing the things that can't go into the dishwasher. I also stripped the bed and made my way to the main floor laundry room. What I didn't do, was turn off the alarm. Of course, I remembered that when the alarm started shrieking. It's not the first time I've made that mistake. So I moved into the office next to the alarm box and awaited the voice from Alarm Force that would soon demand that I identify myself. I know the drill. It's not like I do this all the time but I have done it three times in the last month. Pretty embarrassing. The Alarm Force guys are usually gentle with me. They ask for my I.D. number (long ago lost), then ask me to disarm the alarm with my code while they stay on the line. That I can do. But this morning, the monitor on duty was anything but gentle. He would have done well at Abu Graib.

I really have to find a way to remind myself to turn off the alarm before I go downstairs so I've been thinking about getting a small door pillow like the ones that hang on a baby's door saying "baby sleeping" only mine would say "alarm on". Mind you, without my morning coffee first, my brain probably won't even process that message until the sirens start wailing.

Reflections on an Autumn Day

"Autumn is a second spring when every leaf is a flower." ~Albert Camus

The view outside my bedroom window has been getting a little redder each morning for the past week. The ravine was more lush this summer than I have ever seen it before. It should be a glorious autumn.

Jacob's first visit from university was wonderful though a bit startling. Just two weeks ago he left home, a boy. On Friday, he came home, a man. His foray into the quasi Mohawk haircut was short lived. He arrived home Friday night with a full buzz cut - mourning his lost locks but also with a bit of pride that he officially joined the ranks of engineering. He told me about all his adventures these past two weeks - new friends, classes, orientation activities and his first keg party. He's having a lot of fun. He also determined he needed a new printer and some computer items so the weekend included another trip to Best Buy. A lovely Rosh Hashanah dinner on Saturday night, brisket leftovers on Sunday (declared "freakin awesome" by Jacob), a bit of conversation and it was time to drive him back to Guelph.

Tonight the moms of his friends will be coming over for our first official "moms' dinner" where we will no doubt endlessly discuss our children and our attempts to adjust to our emptier households and the change in our maternal roles. I haven't decided what to make for dinner yet but there will definitely be champagne and something chocolate.

Happy Autumn.

L'Shana Tovah

"May you be inscribed and sealed for a good year."
(L’shanah tovah tikatev v’taihatem) - Common New Year’s Greeting

Many of my friends will be celebrating Rosh Hashanah this weekend. Jacob is coming home from school to celebrate with his friend Robbie's family and Robbie's mom, my dear friend Judy, has invited me to join them for dinner tomorrow night. I accepted that invitation with gratitude. Not only am I pleased to spend the evening with my son but I'm delighted to mark this important holiday with their family. It will be my first high holiday dinner. Jacob has attended many celebrations of Rosh Hashanah, Hanukkah and Passover. He especially likes going to Robbie's house. Judy makes the best brisket in the world.

Merv is driving to Guelph to pick Jacob up from school. I sent Jacob a note asking what he would like me to have ready for dinner when he comes home. He replied that as long as it's hot, anything will be fine. I remembered that whenever I drove back to Windsor on a Friday night to see my mom and dad, my mom always had a pot of pea soup waiting. So that is what I'm going to make for Jacob tonight. He loves pea soup. I guess things have come full circle.

Wishing everyone, no matter what your religious leanings, a happy new year. May it be a year that brings us all peace and joy.

The First Trip Home

"Where we love is home,
Home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts."
~Oliver Wendell Holmes

I'm really excited. Jacob is coming home for the weekend. I know it has only been a week and a half since I've seen him but it feels like a long time. In spite of my request that he call home at least once a week, I have yet to get a call. I've had a few one line e-mails and a picture of his partially shaved head but no information about what he's been doing, who he has met, how classes are going or what in the world possessed him to shave his head into a quasi-Mohawk which initially was spiked and coloured blue. Merv doesn't want me to press Jacob for more communication but I plan to have a conversation with him nonetheless. If Jacob wants a more adult relationship with me, then I want him to understand that he has to take some responsibility for creating and maintaining the relationship. I think my request for a weekly phone call is reasonable.

He is actually coming home this weekend because it is Rosh Hashanah and as in years past, Jacob has been invited to join his friend Robbie for Rosh Hashanah dinner on Saturday. Merv is leaving Saturday morning for a six day business trip so on Saturday night I will be alone. I suspect that will feel pretty odd. I haven't spent a Saturday night alone in longer than I can remember. At least Jacob will be home to sleep and if I'm lucky, he will stay up late with me to watch TV.

I took a trip to my favourite bead store today so I've laid in a new supply of pearls, sterling and volcanic stones - enough to keep my hands busy and my mind occupied while I wait for the homecoming of my son.

A Satisfying Soreness

“When we become aware that we do not have to escape our pains, but that we can mobilize them into a common search for life, those very pains are transformed from expressions of despair into signs of hope.” - Henri Nouwen

My arms are aching this morning from my crew activity at The Weekend to End Breast Cancer. Last year my feet were aching from doing the walk, but this year it is my arms that took the strain from pumping water into the bottles and cups of the walkers. It was a wonderful weekend. We could not have asked for more beautiful weather. The walkers were upbeat and my post the first day was at an elementary school in a wonderful Italian neighbourhood where the neighbours offered espresso and water and the nonas baked cookies and cake to share with the crew and walkers.

Yesterday our station moved to the finish line where we were ready to welcome walkers and crew with lots of food and drinks. I met wonderful people, listened to their stories, cheered as they walked the pink carpet and cried as they cheered we survivors in to closing ceremonies.

Yesterday morning I registered to walk next year - for what I think will be my fourth and final walk. I'm more than happy to crew but I do find the walk grueling. Nonetheless, I promised my great niece Emily that I would walk with her when she makes her first walk at 16 and that will be the event next September. A name change announced yesterday will mean that we will be walking at "The Weekend to End Women's Cancers" - a smart evolution for the event as we now have so much information that links all women's cancers. And like the seven Toronto based WTEBC events that preceded it, I know the 2010 WTEWC will be filled with tears and laughter, joy and pain, struggles and victories. And on the day after the event, the satisfying soreness that I'm experiencing today will be back in my feet.

The Colour Pink

"I think it annoys God if you walk by the color purple in a field and don't notice."
- Alice Walker -

It has been a long day. I spent my whole day from morning to evening in a Human Rights Tribunal hearing trying to reach a settlement with a complainant on behalf of one of my boards. The complaint is nonsense and I have no doubt we would win at arbitration but the very act of arbitration will cost us a fortune in legals and will suck up a lot more of our time and effort so I went to consensual mediation today with the sincere hope that we could find a way to reach a settlement. Nine hours later after finally reaching an agreement and in the course of signing the paperwork, the complainant changed his mind. I wanted to cry.

Worse for me was that I was supposed to be at the Direct Energy Centre for a six o'clock crew meeting for the much anticipated Weekend to End Breast Cancer. The walk is this weekend and I'm taking a break from walking this year to crew. At six o'clock I was still sitting in a conference room on Bay Street watching our deal fall apart.

When I finally got out, I was feeling extremely frustrated and exhausted. My head was pounding. I couldn't turn left anywhere so I drove a kilometer out of my way. I started wondering if things could be much worse. I drove to the CNE grounds to at least catch the second half of the meeting which was supposed to run until eight o'clock. On the last leg of my journey, I saw there was a rainbow in the sky - a bit unusual as I didn't notice there had been any rain. I began to feel better. I paid to park my car and raced up the stairs. My phone rang. It was Cathy telling me not to bother coming to the meeting - it was over. Aaahhhh! I caught up with some of the crew and my sisters before they left, said a quick hello and walked back to the car. My feet were aching almost as much as my head.

Driving back through the city, I watched the sun melt into the horizon and then it appeared - the most glorious pink sky I've ever seen. Not an ordinary pink sky. Not just a pretty sunset. The sky was the colour of bubblegum. It looked like an artist's rendition. As I drove toward home, the pink sky stayed ahead of me to the north - not to the west - very strange indeed. Within a couple blocks of home, the pink disappeared and darkness descended. I took a deep breath and thanked God for the colour pink.

Happy New Year

"Labor Day is a glorious holiday because your child will be going back to school the next day. It would have been called Independence Day, but that name was already taken." ~Bill Dodds

I would agree with Mr. Dodds that Labour Day would more properly be called something else. But I don't think it would be called Independence Day, I think it would be called New Year's Day. No matter how old I get, the first day of school always feels to me like the beginning of a new year.

This year, of course, I haven't had to accompany Jacob to the first day of school. There are no meetings with the new teachers. No curriculum night. No memorization of schedules to ensure I deliver him to his morning classes in time. No concern about what school activities dictate pick-up time at the end of the school day.

Jacob has checked in by e-mail a couple of times. He seems to be having a lot of fun. Last night he sent me a picture of his new mohawk though by the time he took the picture he had washed out the spiking glue and the blue colour. It made me laugh. Here is the boy who loved his long hair so much that every haircut has been a battle for eighteen years. My offer to take him for a haircut before he left for university, was met by a guffaw. Unlike at private school, there is no rule at university that says your hair must be short and off your collar. Jacob informed me he might not cut his hair again for years. So the mohawk was a bit surprising. Whatever. It's hair, it grows back. I would have liked to see the blue.

As for me, I'm putting my head down and trying to get re-focused on my business. I'm making appointments, networking, strategizing and trying to get organized. It feels good. I have a busy week planned. The nest is empty but I'm okay.

Heart Transplant

"Making a decision to have a child -- it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." - Elizabeth Stone

Today we dropped Jacob off at school. The move-in process was extremely well organized. We were met at the curb by a small herd of students who helped us unpack the car in a matter of minutes. They grabbed Jacob's boxes and bags and carried them to his room. There was nothing for me to carry. There was only one thing I really wanted to do myself today. I wanted to make Jacob's bed. I wanted to know that when he got into bed tonight for his first night of living away from home, he would be safely tucked into the sheets I so lovingly laid on the bed and smoothed beneath my hands. But Jacob said "no". He would not allow me to make his bed. It is his room. He wanted to get organized. He wanted his space.

Merv and I left him to give him time to put some of his things away. We walked to the Tim Horton's on campus and waited for Jacob to decide he was ready to join us for a walk around the campus, a look through the resource fair and to attend the President's welcoming address to families. He left us to wait for about a half hour. We walked and looked, sat through the President's speech and tried not to ask him a lot of questions. While it was really a couple of hours, it seemed like just a few moments and it was time for us to go. We walked Jacob back to his residence building. We kissed him goodbye and walked away. No crying. No scene. I made it to the car before the tears came. Even then, my sobs were short-lived. I've cried a million tears these last months in anticipation of this day. The well is running dry. He has grown up and I'm trying to grow up too. It is time to come to terms with things. For the next four years, I will be here in Toronto and my heart will be walking around Guelph.

Transition

"Nothing is secure but life, transition, the energizing spirit." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Jacob's moving day is less than 48 hours away. I thought we had everything ready but this morning he decided he wanted a T.V. for his room and he needed a new bluetooth mouse for his computer and a few personal items and a few pieces of clothing. So one more shopping trip ensued. I'd like to think we're done but I doubt it. I'm reasonably certain tomorrow will bring the need to pick up a few more forgotten items. I don't really mind. It gives me something concrete to do - a physical way to prepare for this transition.

I keep telling myself that is what it is after all. It's not an ending; it's a transition. It is the culmination of everything we have worked to prepare Jacob for these past eighteen years. He is a fine young man. He has his feet firmly on the ground and a good head on his shoulders. I expect he will at times feel a little homesick. I expect he'll have his lonely moments. I expect sometimes he will be scared. I also expect he will revel in his new found freedom. He will do well at school. He will make many friends. He will grow and thrive.

On my part, I expect I will have my lonely moments. I expect that I will have a few sleepless nights. I expect that I will feel a little lost. I also expect that I will revel in my new found freedom. I expect I will have more time and energy to put into growing my business. I will reconnect with my many friends. Merv and I will remember the fun we had when it was just we two. It is a transition. We'll get through it. We will grow. We will thrive.

Eat to the Beat

"Never eat more than you can lift." - Miss Piggy

Sixty female chefs. One worthy cause. It is time again for Eat to the Beat. On October 6 at 7:00 p.m. Willow Breast Cancer Support Canada will once again host their signature event at Roy Thompson Hall. A ticket for Eat to the Beat buys a wonderful evening of eating, drinking, socializing and enjoying music. Last year the music was great, the food spectacular, the wine was fine and the martinis were yummy. All this enjoyed for the price of admission ($150) with a tax receipt issued for a portion of the ticket price. Doesn't get much better than that.

I've been to Eat to the Beat a couple of times. The event used to be run in September in a week Merv is always out of town but this year the later date will allow him to join me. Last year I went with Cath, Stan and Nancy. Cath wasn't feeling well and before the doors were even open to the public (we went in early because I am a member of Willow's board), Cath was spread-eagle on the floor, hyperventilating under the registration desk. She ended up in a dark room in Roy Thompson Hall under the watchful eye of a security guard for all but the final thirty minutes of the evening. This year she will do better. My old friend Gail came as did my Alliance Atlantis friends Kim, Mike and Jen. We had a great time.

If anyone is interested, I am in possession of some tickets for purchase. If it's easier, you can buy your tickets on-line at www.eattothebeat.ca. I hope you will join us for this really fun event.