2013 Going, Going.....

"Write it on your heart that every day is the best day in the year." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

Another New Year's Eve but no resolutions this time.  Instead here are some new year's wishes.

For Jacob:  Over the top success in your last semester of school and a perfect career opportunity awaiting you when you're done.  Between the two, a little time to explore the world and enjoy yourself.

For Merv:  Employment that you enjoy so much you can hardly wait to go to work.

For my sisters, Cathy and Nancy:  A restoration to health, and finding a path to your bliss.

For all my friends:   Healing of whatever ails you, meaningful work to sustain you, growth to engage you and pure, unmitigated joy.

And for all of us, a kinder, gentler 2014.

Room At The Inn

"This life at best is but an inn,
And we the passengers."
- James Howell

It's certainly been an unordinary Christmas season.  With more than 35,000 Torontonians still without power after five days since the ice storm, it has been incumbent on we lucky ones to lend a hand.  It seemed for much of the first couple of days, we were in one of the few small pockets of homes that had power.  For us it meant that we stocked our fridge and bar with supplies and opened the door.   I cooked huge pots of hearty food, changed the guestroom bed over and over and kept the bathrooms supplied with fresh towels.  We put out the word over Facebook and social media.  Our home was open to anyone who wanted to warm up, eat a hot meal, take a shower or sleep in a warm bed.  We had a few takers.

Jonathan found himself working through the long days.  The ice storm caused a great deal of demand on his family business.  It meant though that he did not get to Montreal to celebrate Christmas with his family.  I felt bad for him though it was a special blessing for us to have him with us for our Christmas Eve and Christmas day dinners.  He certainly added to the joy of our celebrations.  We had more than enough food and as my table gift for the men this year was a pair of penny cuff links made with pennies from the year of each of their births, I was relieved to have an extra pair of cuff link backs and the ability to put my hands on a couple of 1991 pennies.  So though I had little notice that he would be joining us at our Christmas Eve celebration, by the time he got here, the table was reset to accommodate him and his cuff links were made and in place at his seat at the table.

We continued our annual Boxing Day movie tradition by taking in the latest Hobbit movie.  Jacob and Merv loved it but I was less enthused.  Three hours of relentless action and crushing violence viewed in 3D was a bit much for me.  Hot turkey sandwiches and Christmas day leftovers at Cath's after the movie assuaged my jangled nerves.

Today was a day for laying low and cleaning up a little though there is much more to do.  Jacob's friends will be here tonight.  Many mouths to feed but that's okay with me.  There is a lot of food to be eaten and I will have the joy of listening to their laughter and camaraderie.  Merv and I made the choice a long time ago and we have never regretted it.  There will always be room at our inn.

Ice

Beauty, like ice, our footing does betray;

Who can tread sure on the smooth, slippery way:

Pleased with the surface, we glide swiftly on,

And see the dangers that we cannot shun.

       -    John Dryden

There is beauty in the ice that coats the trees in the ravine following a spectacular ice storm last night.  There is destruction and ruin in that same ice.  The streets of Toronto are littered with fallen trees and broken branches.  Most of the city has been without power since last night.  Toronto Hydro is reporting that it will likely take until Tuesday to restore power to all affected.  Merry Christmas.  In our tiny pocket there is power.  Apart from a couple of short blips last night and some brown outs today, we have hydro.  I am especially grateful.  My friend Cathy was released from Sunnybrook hospital this morning and her husband was unable to get here from their Thornbury home two hours away.  So we have the privilege of hosting Cathy.  I'm so happy to have her here and to be able to take care of her a little.

As none of the malls or grocery stores are open in this blanket of ice, I couldn't make a run to the grocery store.  There is still soup left from the batch I made yesterday when Cath was craving a decent meal as a departure from hospital food.  I've just prepared a quiche and popped it in the oven.  There is always pasta with a variety of sauces available.  We won't starve.   There is a Harry Potter movie marathon on TV.  And the limoncello crema I made a couple of months ago is ready for drinking. The view outside the window is spectacular.  And looking at it from inside is exactly the place I want to be.

Christmas Miracles

"There are two ways to live your life.
One is as though nothing is a miracle.
The other is as though everything is a miracle."
--Albert Einstein

I've been asking for a lot in this season of miracles. Howard got his new lungs and he is doing remarkably well.  A rift in a family that I care deeply about was healed.  My sister Cathy who has been unwell and got a very scary diagnosis a couple of weeks ago, got very good news from her specialist.  What more could I possibly want?  We have been more than blessed.  So, I found myself almost embarrassed to go to God with another request yesterday.  I had just learned that an old friend of mine (another Cathy) was undergoing very complex cancer surgery. 

My friend Frank dropped by for tea in the morning and we got to talking about all the serious illnesses that have touched our family and friends during this Christmas season.  At another time I think I may have felt overwhelmed by it all, but mostly I haven't felt that way.  There are practical things I can do to help and I'm doing them.  I can pray, and I'm doing that.  And in a strange way, I'm glad all these things have happened at this rather than another time.  It is the season of miracles.  What better time could there be?

My friend's Cathy's husband called last evening. The surgery was very successful.  She is going to be just fine.  I am grateful beyond measure.

Breathe Easy

The doctor came into the surgical waiting room at 5:45 to tell us that Howard did well and would be moved into the ICU in about 30 minutes.  It has been a long day.  We are tired but very grateful.  It is the season of miracles. 

Just Breathe

"I wake up every day and I think, 'I'm breathing! It's a good day.'" - Eve Ensler 

We got the news at 1 o'clock yesterday afternoon.  Howard's new lungs were on the way.  It was twenty-two hours before he was taken into surgery - a long, hard wait.  Cath and I had tickets to see Aladdin at The Ed Mirvish Theatre last night.  Our husbands headed up north earlier in the day for a weekend at the lake.  So after the theatre, the two of us headed to Toronto General to spend the night waiting with Lise.  None of us knew when the surgery would happen.  We were hoping for early in the evening.  Around 2:15 this morning we were told it probably wouldn't happen until the change of shift of the transplant team which we thought was sometime around 6 A.M.  Cath and I went home to catch a few hours of sleep and await Lise's call to let us know it was underway.  We didn't get that call until 11 o'clock.

The surgery is expected to take about eight hours.  We are in the surgical waiting room talking, praying, waiting.  It is a sad day for the family of the donor.  We are thinking of them and sending them our love, prayers and gratitude.  For our family, it is a good day. 

30 Days of Giving

 "Be kind whenever possible.  It is always possible." - Dalai Lama

A couple of weeks ago, my young friend Jenna invited me to join a movement.  The group Change Heroes was planning to run a 30 Days of Giving Bootcamp starting on December 2.  The idea is that people from all over the world would sign on to commit small acts of kindness each day for 30 days, those acts given to us in an assignment each morning.  As it was Jenna who asked, I automatically said yes.  She is a delightful young woman and it is not in my vocabulary to say no to her.  I really didn't know what to expect but sure enough the first challenge was in my inbox on Monday morning - high five a stranger.

This initiative is coming out of a west coast group.  High fiving strangers might seem like a good thing to do in Vancouver but I really didn't think it would go over well in Toronto.  Not a good start to Bootcamp.  I didn't complete the task.  I was significantly happier the second day when my assignment was to buy coffee for a stranger.  First of all, that's not a stretch for me.  I often buy coffee and even the occasional lunch for strangers.  My modus operandi has always been to ask the server to add those purchases to my tab but not to tell the stranger until I am gone.  This time, it didn't work out quite that way.

I stood in line at the Tim Horton's at Princess Margaret Hospital while I waited for another young friend Jen, who I was accompanying to her six month oncology check-up.  She had texted me her coffee order while she was walking to the hospital.  I ordered drinks for Jen and me and then stepped off to the side and quietly asked the server to include on my tab whatever the man behind me ordered.  He was an older man, a bit jittery and anxious to please his wife who was standing nearby.  After he placed his order I handed the money to the cashier.  He realized that his order was being placed on my bill and it caused him much consternation.  Believing it was a mistake on the part of the cashier, he wanted to give me the money.  It took some convincing that it was not a mistake but rather that I asked her to put his order on my bill.  His wife rushed over and hugged me.  My friend Jen was still not there and it turned out this couple fully intended to get to know me.  So much for hit and run.  It turned out they had just made the drive in from Ottawa.  She is sick and was very frightened.  I was so pleased I stayed to speak to them.  She needed to hear that other people have also been there and thrived.  I am well.  Jen is well.  By the end of our time together, we had exchanged numbers and taken pictures.  They invited me to visit them in Ottawa.  We promised to keep one another in our prayers.  I felt like a million dollars.

Today's assignment was to handwrite a note to someone and drop it in the mail.  It didn't take me long to decide who the note would go to.  By noon, it was written and mailed.  I hope it brings a little bit of joy to the recipient.  I've been posting my tasks on Facebook and inviting my friends to join me at Bootcamp.  Today three of them did.  I'm having so much fun.  I hope they do too.  If you decide to join us, the link is below.

www.changeheroes.com

December

"How did it get so late so soon?  It's night before it's afternoon.  December is here before it's June. My goodness how the time has flewn.  How did it get so late so soon?"            -Dr. Seuss

December 2.  Hard to believe.  We are in the last month of the year and though the year has in many ways seemed long, in others it feels as if we're just getting started.  This afternoon I will begin decorating the house.  Jacob is home for the month before he starts his last semester of undergrad school.  It's wonderful to have him here.  It also, no doubt, means the house will be filled again with his friends.  Lots of cooking and cleaning to do.  Fine by me.

Tomorrow I will accompany my young friend Jen to her semi-annual appointment at PMH.  At the tender age of 22, she is already a three-time cancer thriver.  The appointments are scary for her but I hope made a little easier by my presence.  I'm counting on good news and will make sure we celebrate appropriately with a nice lunch and shoe shopping when we're done.  Tomorrow night she will stay with us to save her the one-day round trip to her school in Kitchener.  I plan to spoil her rotten, filling the guest room with small gifts and treats.

I've made a bit of a dent in my Christmas shopping but I've got a couple of things left to do.  Our exchange this year, young people excluded, will be limited to the same rules we had last year - gifts we make or can eat or drink, treasures passed along or kindnesses done in the recipient's honour.  It worked well for us last year.  Merv and I will limit our gift exchange to our Christmas stockings.  We'll splurge on Jacob.  

This December day is gray and the night will come early.  Time for some Christmas lights to brighten up the world.

Howard and Lise

"Miracles come in moments.  Be ready and willing." - Wayne Dyer

Miracles come in moments. Be ready and willing.
Wayne Dyer
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/miracles.html#1kOKOPYmtW6HtYUH.99

It doesn't happen often but at times in my life I have met someone for the first time who I could swear I have always known.  That's how it was last year when I met Howard and Lise.  Howard is Stan's first cousin though Stan did not know him until last year.  Howard and his wife Lise live in Timmins where Stan brought his mother for a visit to see her critically ill sister last year.  Howard has lung disease.  He and Lise started coming to Toronto last year, shortly after meeting Stan so that Howard could be evaluated at Toronto General.  About two weeks ago, they moved here when Howard was put on the waiting list for a double lung transplant.  They rented a small apartment downtown to be near the hospital.  The list of those needing lungs is long and on average recipients wait about a year for their surgeries.  Howard doesn't have a year.

The thought of losing Howard is unfathomable.  In the time we have known them, Howard and Lise have become part of our family but not a new part.  They're are more like a piece that we never knew was missing until we found it and fit it in place.  The fit was perfect.

My Kabbalistic friend David tells me we are in a window of miracles - a time to ask the universe for the miracles we so need or desire.  It is Chanukah and he reminded me the holiday is not just about latkas and jelly doughnuts.  Another highly spiritual friend tells me that there is an opening to connect to the energy in the universe for these next few days.  She doesn't connect that opening to Chanukah but that's really not relevant.   The window is apparently open and I'm taking full advantage.  I've asked for a number of things, nothing directly for myself, but of course desiring the healing of those I love is, I admit, still somewhat selfishly motivated.  At the top of my list are two thing - Howard and my sister Cath who is dealing with some health issues of her own.

Yesterday Howard's condition declined and he has now been hospitalized.  His name has been bumped up on the transplant list.  As scary as that is, I am choosing to believe this is a sign of the miracle that is manifesting itself in front of our eyes.  Howard will get his new lungs. Cath will get the healing she needs.  I'm praying.  We are all praying.  If you feel so inclined, please join us.  We need all the help we can get.

Duck Dinner Done

Death Is A Door

Death is only an old door
Set in a garden wall
On gentle hinges it gives, at dusk
When the thrushes call.

Along the lintel are green leaves
Beyond the light lies still;
Very willing and weary feet
Go over that sill.

There is nothing to trouble any heart;
Nothing to hurt at all.
Death is only a quiet door.
In an old wall.

- Nancy Byrd Turner

I attended a third funeral today in as many weeks, this time the service two hours away in the pretty, small town of Belleville.  My friend Lorrie's mother passed away last week and the service was held today in a beautiful old funeral home.  There were few people in attendance so I was happy Gail and I made the effort to get there albeit a bit late.  The GPS in my car couldn't find the address and I had to call Jacob to talk me in through Google maps.  Lorrie was pleased we were there. I have never met her mother and I know in some ways her death, while still sad, came as a relief from months of suffering.  I didn't expect to feel particularly emotional at the service but the last part of it left me drained and overcome.  After a beautiful eulogy delivered by Lorrie, we were left to listen to a lovely rendition of Ave Maria.  That song immediately takes me back twenty one years to the funeral of my father.  We hired a soprano to sing it at his funeral.  It was his favorite song.

By the time I got back to Toronto late this afternoon, I felt ready for bed but a quiet night in wasn't in the cards tonight.  We had already committed to attend dinner at Ruby Watch Company with Marg, Bob, Cath and Stan finally making use of the gift certificate I received from Marg and Bob last Christmas.  It was my first time at the restaurant but it will not be my last.  The restaurant concept is certainly interesting.  There are no choices.  The menu is the menu.  It changes each night and there are no choices to make save the bar.  We started with an excellent roasted cauliflower salad, moved on to flank steak in a short rib sauce accompanied by glazed carrots, broccoli and polenta.  All of that was followed by a cheese course and then an excellent chocolate bread pudding which in spite of its deliciousness, I simply could not finish.  Ruby Watch Company hits my list of favorite restaurants in Toronto.  I simply loved it.

I now find myself exhausted, emotionally and physically spent.  I think I will try to make it an early night.  No Jon Stewart for me.  Our cleaning lady will be here early tomorrow morning so the luxury of a lay in isn't in the cards.

Courtney

“Being a mother is an attitude, not a biological relation.”  - Robert A. Heinlein,

For the past two years, my son Jacob has been in a relationship with Courtney.  Jacob had relationships before her but none so serious as this.  He kept his relationship with Court a secret for quite a long time.  She was his housemate in Guelph for two school years and when they started dating, they were reluctant to share the news with anyone else.  Their other two housemates didn't even know until the second year.  One of them didn't take it well and she made their lives pretty miserable for that last year of sharing the house.  But it is long in the open now and I would be hard pressed to find someone who wouldn't agree that they are a beautiful couple. 

Jacob finally told us in May of 2012 that he and Courtney are an item.  She is a pretty young woman, smart and sweet.  I was happy he had met someone who makes him happy.  I didn't quite expect to get as attached to her as I have become but I'm hooked.  She lived with us for a few weeks when the school year started this year and she transferred to Ryerson.  Jacob had returned to Guelph and she filled some of the yawning space left by his absence.  We've seen little of her since she moved into her apartment downtown.  Her workload is heavy and the adjustment to big city life has been challenging.  So it was a treat on Friday when she and I were exchanging text messages, to figure out that we actually had a chance to spend some time together this weekend.  I was downtown at a hearing.  I offered to pick her up and bring her home with me.  She said yes and hurriedly packed a bag.  So until Sunday morning, we had Courtney with us again. 

It wasn't a real exciting time.  Mostly she worked sitting on the couch next to me.  We did a little bit of shopping and a bit of chatting.  We watched some T.V. and we snuggled a little.  It was just what the doctor ordered.  When I took her back to her apartment on Sunday morning, she'd had a dose of some needed mothering and I'd had the needed chance to do some mothering.  It was a win-win. 

I'm grateful to Jacob for bringing this lovely young woman into my life.  She has become one of my kids.  I love her and she loves me.  I am lucky indeed.