A few days ago I got the very sad news that a friend had died by suicide. I have not seen her for a few years since my mom died. She worked in activation at the nursing home where my mom lived. Angelica was one of the kindest people I have ever met. My mom loved her and she loved my mom. I knew she had struggled with mental health issues but I didn't know those issues were so serious. No one did. I got the call from another friend at the nursing home in time to watch her funeral which was being live-streamed just a couple of hours later. It is a strange way to attend a funeral - almost all of it in a language I do not understand. But I stayed on-line for all of it, from the start of visitation, through the eulogy and service until they closed her casket and carried it out of the room. I cried a lot but there was no one to console me, no one to share my grief. I can't imagine the pain her husband and daughter were feeling. Their faces were covered in masks and they were surrounded by only a few people. Those of us who knew her from a vantage point outside her family, didn't even have a way to tell them how we felt about her. There was no on-line obituary where we could leave comments. I know that in the culture of the place where she comes from, there is no greater sin or shame than suicide. It was a funeral shrouded in shame. So sad, as if the darkness of her mental illness defined who she was when in reality, she was a bright light for so many people. Rest gently, Angelica. You were loved.
I Wish
I wish everyone had a place to go when the dark clouds gather and harsh winds blow in.
A place where it is safe to tell the truth when things are spiraling down.A place where no one will judge you but everyone will extend a hand to lift you up and light a candle to brighten the darkness.
I wish no one was so low and lonely that the only way up is the way out.
That life in the shadows of sadness is not life in shame.
That love could always be a bigger force than pain.
I wish that isolation and solitude were not our only acts of self-preservation.
That we could find a way to bridge the divide between social distance and social separation.
That we could all understand that being physically apart isn’t the only answer to being safe.
I wish we were better at letting one another know how valued each of us is.
That together, we can make tomorrow a better day.
That sometimes it helps to get through the day ten minutes at a time.
I wish on the darkest days, when it doesn’t feel possible to hang on any longer
That every desperate soul hears the ringing of the phone or the dinging of a text message
That flowers appear on the front porch or a note is in the mailbox
That a neighbour waves a greeting or a puppy wags it’s tail.
That a voice whispers on the breeze.
Stay with us.
You are loved.
