Howard and Lise

"Miracles come in moments.  Be ready and willing." - Wayne Dyer

Miracles come in moments. Be ready and willing.
Wayne Dyer
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/miracles.html#1kOKOPYmtW6HtYUH.99

It doesn't happen often but at times in my life I have met someone for the first time who I could swear I have always known.  That's how it was last year when I met Howard and Lise.  Howard is Stan's first cousin though Stan did not know him until last year.  Howard and his wife Lise live in Timmins where Stan brought his mother for a visit to see her critically ill sister last year.  Howard has lung disease.  He and Lise started coming to Toronto last year, shortly after meeting Stan so that Howard could be evaluated at Toronto General.  About two weeks ago, they moved here when Howard was put on the waiting list for a double lung transplant.  They rented a small apartment downtown to be near the hospital.  The list of those needing lungs is long and on average recipients wait about a year for their surgeries.  Howard doesn't have a year.

The thought of losing Howard is unfathomable.  In the time we have known them, Howard and Lise have become part of our family but not a new part.  They're are more like a piece that we never knew was missing until we found it and fit it in place.  The fit was perfect.

My Kabbalistic friend David tells me we are in a window of miracles - a time to ask the universe for the miracles we so need or desire.  It is Chanukah and he reminded me the holiday is not just about latkas and jelly doughnuts.  Another highly spiritual friend tells me that there is an opening to connect to the energy in the universe for these next few days.  She doesn't connect that opening to Chanukah but that's really not relevant.   The window is apparently open and I'm taking full advantage.  I've asked for a number of things, nothing directly for myself, but of course desiring the healing of those I love is, I admit, still somewhat selfishly motivated.  At the top of my list are two thing - Howard and my sister Cath who is dealing with some health issues of her own.

Yesterday Howard's condition declined and he has now been hospitalized.  His name has been bumped up on the transplant list.  As scary as that is, I am choosing to believe this is a sign of the miracle that is manifesting itself in front of our eyes.  Howard will get his new lungs. Cath will get the healing she needs.  I'm praying.  We are all praying.  If you feel so inclined, please join us.  We need all the help we can get.

Duck Dinner Done

Death Is A Door

Death is only an old door
Set in a garden wall
On gentle hinges it gives, at dusk
When the thrushes call.

Along the lintel are green leaves
Beyond the light lies still;
Very willing and weary feet
Go over that sill.

There is nothing to trouble any heart;
Nothing to hurt at all.
Death is only a quiet door.
In an old wall.

- Nancy Byrd Turner

I attended a third funeral today in as many weeks, this time the service two hours away in the pretty, small town of Belleville.  My friend Lorrie's mother passed away last week and the service was held today in a beautiful old funeral home.  There were few people in attendance so I was happy Gail and I made the effort to get there albeit a bit late.  The GPS in my car couldn't find the address and I had to call Jacob to talk me in through Google maps.  Lorrie was pleased we were there. I have never met her mother and I know in some ways her death, while still sad, came as a relief from months of suffering.  I didn't expect to feel particularly emotional at the service but the last part of it left me drained and overcome.  After a beautiful eulogy delivered by Lorrie, we were left to listen to a lovely rendition of Ave Maria.  That song immediately takes me back twenty one years to the funeral of my father.  We hired a soprano to sing it at his funeral.  It was his favorite song.

By the time I got back to Toronto late this afternoon, I felt ready for bed but a quiet night in wasn't in the cards tonight.  We had already committed to attend dinner at Ruby Watch Company with Marg, Bob, Cath and Stan finally making use of the gift certificate I received from Marg and Bob last Christmas.  It was my first time at the restaurant but it will not be my last.  The restaurant concept is certainly interesting.  There are no choices.  The menu is the menu.  It changes each night and there are no choices to make save the bar.  We started with an excellent roasted cauliflower salad, moved on to flank steak in a short rib sauce accompanied by glazed carrots, broccoli and polenta.  All of that was followed by a cheese course and then an excellent chocolate bread pudding which in spite of its deliciousness, I simply could not finish.  Ruby Watch Company hits my list of favorite restaurants in Toronto.  I simply loved it.

I now find myself exhausted, emotionally and physically spent.  I think I will try to make it an early night.  No Jon Stewart for me.  Our cleaning lady will be here early tomorrow morning so the luxury of a lay in isn't in the cards.

Courtney

“Being a mother is an attitude, not a biological relation.”  - Robert A. Heinlein,

For the past two years, my son Jacob has been in a relationship with Courtney.  Jacob had relationships before her but none so serious as this.  He kept his relationship with Court a secret for quite a long time.  She was his housemate in Guelph for two school years and when they started dating, they were reluctant to share the news with anyone else.  Their other two housemates didn't even know until the second year.  One of them didn't take it well and she made their lives pretty miserable for that last year of sharing the house.  But it is long in the open now and I would be hard pressed to find someone who wouldn't agree that they are a beautiful couple. 

Jacob finally told us in May of 2012 that he and Courtney are an item.  She is a pretty young woman, smart and sweet.  I was happy he had met someone who makes him happy.  I didn't quite expect to get as attached to her as I have become but I'm hooked.  She lived with us for a few weeks when the school year started this year and she transferred to Ryerson.  Jacob had returned to Guelph and she filled some of the yawning space left by his absence.  We've seen little of her since she moved into her apartment downtown.  Her workload is heavy and the adjustment to big city life has been challenging.  So it was a treat on Friday when she and I were exchanging text messages, to figure out that we actually had a chance to spend some time together this weekend.  I was downtown at a hearing.  I offered to pick her up and bring her home with me.  She said yes and hurriedly packed a bag.  So until Sunday morning, we had Courtney with us again. 

It wasn't a real exciting time.  Mostly she worked sitting on the couch next to me.  We did a little bit of shopping and a bit of chatting.  We watched some T.V. and we snuggled a little.  It was just what the doctor ordered.  When I took her back to her apartment on Sunday morning, she'd had a dose of some needed mothering and I'd had the needed chance to do some mothering.  It was a win-win. 

I'm grateful to Jacob for bringing this lovely young woman into my life.  She has become one of my kids.  I love her and she loves me.  I am lucky indeed.

"No" Mr. Ford

"Just say no to drugs." - Nancy Regan

In 1982 when her husband Ron was president of the United States, Nancy Regan was asked by a child in an elementary school, what she should do if someone offered her drugs.  Nancy Regan responded by saying "Just say no."  That simple response spawned an advertising campaign across the United States - "Just Say No". People from all over the U.S. jumped on the bandwagon and eventually the "Just Say No" campaign spread across the Atlantic to Great Britain and several other European nations.  Such a simple concept.

There were those who dismissed Nancy Regan's campaign as ridiculously simplistic.  I can see their point.  Just the same, there is something in the simplicity of it that has stayed with me these many years.  I often find myself suggesting to advice seekers that they take the Nancy Regan approach and just say "no".  While I'm not normally inclined to offer advice unasked, I'm going to make an exception tonight.  Mayor Ford, this advice is for you.

Just say "no".  Say "no" to drugs. Say "no" to alcohol.  Say "no" to hanging out at crack houses.  Say "no" to gang involvement.  Say "no" to driving high.  Say "no" to domestic violence.  Say "no" to fraternizing with sex workers. Say "no" to requests for interviews.  Say "no" when asked to comment on live media.  Clearly you can't handle it.  You have no impulse control.  You have no shame.  You have no dignity.  Spare the citizens of Toronto from any further humiliation.  Please Mr. Ford.  We just can't take it anymore.  Yesterday City Council said "no" to you.  That's enough. No. No. No.

Tagging Treasure

“Not all treasure‘s silver and gold, mate.”
Jack Sparrow, Pirates Of The Caribbean: The Curse Of The Black Pearl

Its's that time again.  The semi-annual rummage sale will be held at my mom's nursing home on Saturday.  As it has been for every sale in the past nine years, my sisters and I will be pricing the treasures and selling the jewellery and small trinkets.  We don't have a lot of new things to sell but we have a lot of items left from our last sale so I'm not concerned about a shortage of inventory.  We got a few new pieces, however and I've spent some time in the last few days trying to determine the value of those items that include some vintage brooches and a couple of sterling rings.  There is one piece that we've had in our inventory for over a year but as I have been unable to determine its worth, it has never made it to the sale table.

The piece is a small brass easel with two portraits on enamel of King George VII and Queen Alexandra.  George VII was crowned in 1901 and reigned for only 9 years before his death so I know the piece is old.  I've found many pieces of memorabilia from his reign for sale on the internet but I can't find anything like this piece.  I've asked my English friend Emma for some help.  She may have better luck finding something out in England than I am having trying to figure it out from across the pond. I've posted a picture of the piece on this blog.  If anyone has an idea on the piece, I'd love to hear about it.

I have come to dread the semi-annual sale.  It's so much work for so little financial return as we sell most of the pieces for a dollar or two.  Nonetheless, the residents like it and so we push on cleaning, polishing, pricing and trying but inevitably failing to resist the cupcakes and cookies that call us from the baked goods table.

Dear Doug

“I’m not an enabler. No one, no one beats down Rob more than I do.” - Doug Ford

Dear Doug Ford,

Your little brother is in a lot of trouble.  The whole world can see that he is an addict.  We're not sure if it's an addiction just to alcohol or to alcohol and other drugs.  My best guess is that he has a serious problem with a whole lot of substances.  The size of his girth would suggest that food is likely also on that list.  Poor Rob.  Watching him implode is making me feel very sad.  While I am certainly not a supporter of Ford Nation, I am a human being who is watching another human being self-destruct.  I can only presume his behaviour is rooted in a lot of pain. 

You are his big brother.  I am not a big sister but I do have big sisters and so I think I understand, at least a little, of your staunch defence of Rob.  I know my big sisters would defend me to the death.  I know they have always felt responsible for protecting me.  I know that when I faced my battle with cancer, my big sister Cathy, tried to make a deal with God to give up fifteen years of her own life in exchange for adding an extra fifteen years to mine.  That's love.   

So I'm calling on you now as Rob's big brother to do the things, no matter how hard, that will really help and protect him.  He is in denial.  Judging from the interview your mother and sister gave yesterday, they are in denial.  But I suspect, you are not.  Set aside the needs of the city.  Don't do it because it's good for Toronto and all it's citizens.  Do it because it is what is good for your brother.  Convince Rob to step out of office and go into rehab.  He will listen to you.  It is your chance to save his life and it doesn't even require a bargain with God.

Yours truly,

Jackie