The Black Hole

"Old houses mended,
Cost little less than new before they ’re ended."

- Colley Cibber (1671 - 1757) -

We've been shoveling a lot of money into the black hole of house repairs and maintenance this year. I'm not having any fun. Renovating the kitchen a few years ago was really expensive but really satisfying. Same with the decks and the lower floor. But this year it's new windows, fixing the fencing and visits from the exterminator. Not stuff that makes me feel bang for our buck.

Living on the ravine has been great. It is truly wonderful to enjoy the lush foliage and a near view of wildlife while still living in the city. But as with all things, there is a flip side or as Dr. Phil likes to say, even the flattest pancake has two sides. The deer and the bunnies don't try to live in my house. The carpenter ants and the mice do. Spraying for carpenter ants has been a yearly event since we moved here. A couple of years, we had the house sprayed multiple times. There was even the year when Merv heard the ants chewing inside the baseboards - too gross to even go into.

I was pretty horrified by the ants but that horror pales in comparison to how I feel about the mice. I hate rodents so much when Jacob was little, I struggled with taking him to see Stuart Little and Stuart wears a suit, drives a car and sounds like Michael J. Fox. Last year I discovered we have mice in the garage and that is hard enough for me. I couldn't bring myself to park in the garage for about two months after I knew. What's worse though is that three times this year they made a foray into the house. The first time was in April when Merv was out of town and a mouse decided to appear in the kitchen while I was hosting a dinner party. Much screaming and crying ensued. Jacob put out the poison and set the traps. He never did catch it but it did eat the bait in the furnace room. A month later, I was treated to an appearance while sitting in the downstairs family room. Merv set the traps and put out the poison but I was having none of it. I called the exterminator. Several hundred dollars later I was assured there would be no issue with seeing a mouse in the house again. Last week, that assurance proved to be unfounded. So yesterday the exterminator was back. I'm hoping to sleep again sometime this summer.

Around April the back fence blew down. While we have paid a deposit to an ironworks service, it is still down. Very frustrating. Then there are the windows and doors. We did our due diligence, got three estimates, visited the showroom, got a recommendation and chose with care - not the least expensive of the proposals. The expected June installation became a July installation. One of the windows in the office and the front doors were the wrong size. What I was advised would be a two week delay on those items became a four week delay. Then there are the holes and chips the installers put in the walls in almost every room in the house, and the gouge in the kitchen cabinetry. One of the windows is missing it's hardware. The foot lock wasn't installed on the patio door. There are black, greasy handprints on every wall and window and the two windows which were supposed to be frosted were installed with plain glass. Seven of the windows went uncaulked for two and a half weeks. Getting things fixed, attended to and completed has been a daily chore. All this for the low, low price of just under $30,000. Agghhh! The walls will get filled where the holes were left but now they will also have to be repainted. The foyer painting will require hiring a professional and I will be looking at an unplanned expense of about $3,000. At the end, it will all look the same as before. Not a very sexy way to spend $33 grand.

At the end of these projects we will take a breath and a break - until next spring when a new roof and a new garage door are on the renovation agenda. I'd rather spend a month in Hawaii.