Preparing for Easter

I think of the garden after the rain;
And hope to my heart comes singing,
At morn the cherry-blooms will be white,
And the Easter bells be ringing! ~Edna Dean Proctor, "Easter Bells"

Today I will wrap up my contract at Willow and prepare to resume my place on the Willow Board. It's been an interesting run - not the easiest consulting contract I've done but it has had its rewards. More than ever, I'm inspired by the work Willow does and immensely proud to be a part of such an important organization.

Tomorrow I will devote to preparing for Easter weekend - my biggest part of which is Good Friday dinner for eleven. Our friends Marg and Bob are in Turkey so they won't be joining us, nor will Gail who is in Victoria working on her MBA at Royal Roads. But Gail's husband Frank will be joining us, as will Jonathan, Cath and Stan, Nancy, Brian and Geraldine and their daughter Amy. I'm usually a little more prepared than I am this year and have my table theme all worked out far in advance. But other demands on my time and attention have distracted me greatly these last couple of weeks. I'm not really sure what I'm doing yet, but I will work it all out tomorrow. I haven't even figured out a menu beyond the fact that the main course will be fish. Last year I did a Hawaiian menu - macadamia nut crusted snapper, but I think chances are I will be serving a very basic salmon dinner as I can do that meal in my sleep. The weather is very promising with a prediction of sunny skies and a temperature of 23 degrees.

Tomorrow afternoon I will drive to Guelph and pick Jacob up for the long weekend. He has made no special meal requests in spite of my offer to take his order but rather says everything and anything I make will be better than the food on campus. I can hardly wait to see him. I've begun gathering a few items for his Easter basket on Sunday. He's never been a big chocolate eater so I think I will buy jelly beans and gummy candy to add to the collection of beers from around the world that I picked up earlier in the week. Last weekend Merv picked up a new toaster oven to give Jacob to start off the kitchen supplies for his new house.

I'm also hoping to have time to get the pedicure I didn't manage to schedule last week. It is sandal weather and my feet are a mess.

Happy Easter weekend to one and all.

Puppy Love

“There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.”
- Bern Williams

I had the good fortune to dogsit on Saturday night though I suspect the request to keep Dora for a few hours, was as much to make me happy as it was to make her happy. Brian and Geraldine spent a few hours in Kitchener where Brian had a speaking engagement. As Dora has been diagnosed with terminal cancer, they are reluctant to leave her for more than a couple of hours at a time. I was more than happy to accommodate.

Dora is a pretty special dog. She was rescued by Brian and Ger after the death of their beloved Lucy not quite two years ago. I loved Lucy. She used to visit me when I was going through treatment and she always brought me comfort and lifted my spirits. On the days that I spent healing in Brian and Ger's pool, Lucy would join me in the water. But Lucy was also a bit aloof. She didn't like to cuddle. Dora is a different animal. Dora was a puppy mill dog who, as it turns out, is far older than she was thought to be when Brian and Ger brought her home. They were told she was about two years old when they got her but the vet thinks she is closer to eight. She is a beautiful little pup, small, white and fluffy. She is happiest in someone's arms. She doesn't care for walking much, probably because she spent so many years caged. Jacob and I used see Brian and Dora most mornings last year when I would drive Jacob to school and we would joke about Dora being out walking Brian as she was almost always in his arms. Of course he is smitten with her. It would be pretty tough not to fall for Dora. From the day they first brought her home, she loved them fiercely. She seemed to sense that she had hit the jackpot for the first time in her life and she would have the chance to live a good life with people who would love and care for her.

A few weeks ago, Dora was diagnosed with cancer and had surgery. The news which followed was dire - the cancer is aggressive and had progressed far further than first thought. Brian and Ger had to make a decision about what comes next - more surgery, chemotherapy or handing Dora's fate over to God. They chose the latter. Seems like the right choice to me. Further treatment may prolong Dora's life for as long as a year but at what price to the quality of her days?

In the meantime, Dora doesn't seem at all sick. She was certainly well enough to split a sirloin steak with me on Saturday night. She carried her buiscuits around the house and stashed them in her favorite places. She jumped up on the sofa and planted herself on Merv's chest where she enjoyed a sound after-dinner nap. Whatever time Dora has left, will be lived among those who love her. And that is a gift to us all.

A Letter to Myself

"To send a letter is a good way to go somewhere without moving anything but your heart." ~Phyllis Theroux

Today's Toronto Star features letters written by five celebrated Canadian women to their girlhood selves. I like the idea of the project and so I decided to write a letter to my 17 year-old self.

Dear Jackie,

Try not to worry so much. Most of the things you worry about will never come to pass. The things that will really turn your world upside down will come from nowhere on quiet Wednesday afternoons. There is nothing you can do to prepare for them and you will get through them okay.

Believe in yourself. You have lots of gifts to give the world. Don't pay attention to those who try to put you down or to criticize your every move. No statue was ever erected to a critic.

Be gentle with yourself. You will make many mistakes. Use each one as a chance to learn and grow. When you've learned what you can from the mistake, forgive yourself and let it go. There is no margin in self-flagellation.

Enjoy your young body while you have it. Though you don't know it, you are a pretty young woman. You will look back one day and wish you had known and appreciated that.

Ask your relatives about the family history. There are few left among us who know where and who we came from. If they pass away without telling you, the history will be forever lost.

You are going to be okay.

Love Jackie

The Halifax Life Girls Reunion

“Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There is a time for silence. A time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny. And a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over.”
- Gloria Naylor

Twenty three years ago I worked at a small life insurance company called Halifax Life. It was an interesting company staffed by a hundred people, most of them young. Our president and vice president were in their thirties. There was a group of women, all single (except one) and all in our late twenties and early thirties. We were smart and pretty professionals with bright hopes and promising futures. We used to lunch together and share stories of romances and adventures. The last time I was with them all, was at my wedding. Most of us lost touch in the years of marriage and children.

My friend Gail is one of the women I met at Halifax Life. Over these twenty-three years, Gail went on to become one of my dearest friends. We share family holidays and spa days. We sit on the Board of West Toronto Community Legal Services together. It was after a recent Board meeting that we began talking about our days at Halifax Life and the women who made up our group. And we decided to try and reunite the gang for a Halifax Life Girls Reunion Dinner.

Gail contacted Julie who she remains in touch with. I found Cecilia and Colleen. We have no idea how to contact Lorrie who moved to England more than twenty years ago. We are all married now except the only one of us who was married in our original group - she is now single. In a couple of weeks, we will meet and get caught up on the years which have passed in a blur.

Part of me thinks I should send them a picture so they don't have to work, not to register on their faces, the surprise of seeing me as an over-weight middle-aged woman. Julie has seen me recently so no concern there but Colleen and Cecilia have not. Of course, they too are now middle-aged but I expect they are as trim and lovely as they were all those years ago. Of course it really won't matter. I don't think it will take long until all our eyes see past the extra pounds, wrinkles and changes of these last years and look straight into the hearts of the lovely young women we still are.

Choosing Laughter

“Humor is just another defense against the universe.” - Mel Brooks

Last week was crazy from beginning to end. I spent my week juggling service calls at the house for an energy audit and then a broken water heater and a series of client crises. I was seriously over-committed and continuously fighting fires. Part of the stress was in trying to get everything done before the end of the week so that I could go to Calgary tomorrow with a clean plate. That entailed long hours all week. Turned out there was no need. My Calgary trip was canceled on Friday afternoon. Whatever.

Every day of the week brought a new challenge or on several days, a new crisis. It's been a long time since I felt so happy to see the end of a week. Every day also required a choice of response - laugh or cry. I chose to laugh because we all know how ugly I look when I cry. I don't know how women do it in the movies when they cry and still look so beautiful. Nothing pretty about me when I cry - just a dripping wet nose and swollen eyes.

Friday night found Merv and I at the Princess of Wales for the production of Mel Brooks' Young Frankenstein. It was absolutely brilliant - very funny and uplifting and just what the doctor ordered. We enjoyed dinner at Big Daddy's before the theatre but unfortunately it didn't sit well with me. As tasty as it was going down, I was regretting my choice of the seafood gumbo at 3:30 A.M. when it was on it's way back up. It may have made no difference what I'd eaten that night. It was a week filled with too much stress and too many problems. I suspect my body was poised to rebel regardless of my meal choice.

Yesterday was a far better day. I ran a few errands and took a nice long nap in the afternoon. Then we headed to dinner at the home of our friends Nancy and Aivers and Maurice. Not only was the dinner excellent but as always, the company was warm and comforting. For the first time all week, I felt stress free and calm by the end of the evening. And I felt lucky to have such good friends in my life.

This afternoon I attended a bridal shower in honour of my friend Kelly-Jo who will be marrying her fiance Peter this summer. Kelly-Jo will be celebrating her 49th birthday in a few weeks and has been single for the past eight years. She is positively glowing with happiness. It's wonderful to see.

As there is no longer a trip to Calgary in my calendar tomorrow, I have a date in the morning with a few strands of lovely lilac pearls and some Swarovski crystals. In the afternoon I will drive out to Port Hope to attend the wake for my friend Andrew's dad. At some point I'll be booking a massage and a pedicure too. I think I'm going to declare it "Be Nice to Jackie Week".

A Lazy Sunday Morning

“The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain.” - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

It's still raining but no complaint from here as there is no shoveling required. I'm having a lazy morning, reading the newspaper, doing the crossword puzzle and sudokus. I was up just after seven but soon realized the time changed last night so it was in fact after eight. I love Sunday mornings like this. I have no commitments until this afternoon when I will spend time with Mom and my sisters. I may head out to the nursing home a little bit early to do some shopping. And I have some work to do as my schedule was a bit screwed up on Friday when I found myself, most of the day, without heat, cable (thus no internet connection) or telephone service after the furnace installers accidentally drilled through some wires. I was too frustrated and cold to concentrate on work so I did some beading (which I quit when I hopelessly tangled my beading silk) and read a little bit. But I'm now behind in my work.

I have just a couple of weeks left on my contract at Willow so I'm trying to finish up all the process work that I'm committed to doing. I will be in Calgary for most of next week - heading out on the 22nd to do some work for an engineering company that I've been working with on and off for the past year or so. I need to do some real planning for this trip as somehow I need to figure out how to pull another bunny from my hat. And I've got some board work to do for the Clinic this week too. All in all, the week is shaping up to be jam packed. All the more reason to enjoy this lazy Sunday morning.

This and That

"Activity conquers cold, but stillness conquers heat." - Lao Tzu

Happily the unseasonable spring weather continues. Today it is raining and a bit chilly but nowhere near the deep freeze of years past. The mild temperatures are fortuitous for us because as of Wednesday morning, we have had no heat in the house. A Direct Energy furnace inspector came on Wednesday morning for our annual cleaning and furnace inspection. About thirty minutes after his arrival, he advised that the heat exchanger was cracked in two places and the furnace is too old to be repaired. He deemed it unsafe to continue to run the furnace so he turned it off and tagged it. Six thousand dollars later, the installers are here to put in a new high efficiency furnace. Between the new roof and the new garage door we had already planned for this spring, the year is already shaping up to be an expensive one. Nothing we can do about it - furnaces and roofs are not luxury items so we're trying to suck it up with good grace.

Yesterday I made a trip to Guelph to share lunch with Jacob. He has been considerably stressed these past two weeks as he wrote mid-terms and worked on his major term assignments. We checked in with him regularly from Aruba and while stressed he was feeling good about his exams - right until the last exam in Physics. After each test he would send us a note to tell us how it went but we didn't hear a word after Physics. Several emails and text messages to him went unanswered until I finally pleaded with him to let me know he was okay. He sent a note saying the test had gone badly and he was so upset he was hibernating in his room. He stayed there for two days. When we got back from Aruba I spoke to him about his reaction to one bad test, suggesting that perhaps he needed to get some perspective. He was devastated though at contemplating even the possibility of failure. Granted, he hasn't had much practice at failing but he's going to have to figure out how to fail sooner or later. We had the talk about how nothing happens when you fail and you just get up the next morning and try again, but he couldn't embrace the concept. I was anxious to see him for a face-to-face discussion, to give him comfort and a little boost. By our lunch yesterday, Jacob's test mark was in and the failure he so badly feared didn't come to pass. He scored 68 on the test and combined with the 106 percent average (yes I know that doesn't make sense) he has in the assignment portion of the subject, he is actually sitting pretty. He sure put himself through a lot of angst for nothing.

On a happier note, he and his friends have secured a house for next year. The parents of his friend Tyler bought a small house near the university which Tyler, Jacob and their friends Alex and Abby will share. Jacob took me to see the house (from outside only)and sent me pictures of the interior. It looks to be an ideal space for the four students. It's on a quiet, well kept street, just a few steps from a bus which will take the kids directly to the university campus. Tyler has a car which will make it handy for trips to the grocery store which is just a few blocks away. There is no grounds maintenance needed for the front of the house and the kids are already planning their garden for the small plot at the rear. The house has only three bedrooms on the second floor which will be used by Tyler and the two girls but Jacob will have the whole finished basement to himself, complete with fireplace, full bathroom and even a little workshop. He's very happy.

This week I also started fundraising for my September Weekend to End Women's Cancers walk. I've been reluctant to ask for money at a time when everyone has been bombarded with requests to support relief efforts in Haiti and Chile but I really couldn't put off starting any longer. People have responded with generosity and I'm grateful. As it stands today, I'm planning for this to be my last 60K walk and I'm really only doing it this year as I promised my great niece Emily that I would accompany her on her first journey. The cause, of course, remains close to my heart but in the future I think I will support it by crewing at the event and donating money to the walkers. In the event you want to visit my personal page on the event website, the address is www.endcancer.ca. Participant name is Jacquelyn Saad. Team name is Dream Girls - The Sequin.

One Happy Island

"Visual surprise is natural in the Caribbean; it comes with the landscape, and faced with its beauty, the sigh of History dissolves." - Derek Walcott

Aruba was spectacular. The rugged beauty of the desert juxtaposed with the aqua sea was breathtaking. It is an easy place to vacation. Everyone speaks English, you can drink the water from the tap and the weather is guaranteed to be perfect.

We arrived on Sunday afternoon, in time to enjoy an hour of sun on the beach, a delicious meal in the beach-side restaurant and still watch the much awaited Canada-U.S. hockey game that ended the Olympics. The resort was filled with Americans and Canadians wearing their team colours. A large number of people gathered in the resort's sports bar to watch the NBC broadcast of the game. Merv and I retreated to the comfort of our room to watch. It was a great game with a fairy tale ending. People were whopping and hollering in the halls of the hotel. Even at dinner, there were excited Canadians waving flags and celebrating. It was all good natured revelry and a wonderful start to our vacation.

The RIU Palace is a very pretty resort. Our suite was substantial in size and afforded us a view of the ocean. I've never quite seen water the colour of the sea in Aruba. Even standing at the shore and looking at the water as it broke over my feet, I was astounded at the depth of it's colour. The sand is white powder and almost free of shells, rocks and weeds. The water is warm and shallow for twenty feet at the shore. While many people at the resort chose to spend their time at the very beautiful swimming pool, Merv and I found our place at the beach. For six of our seven days there, we enjoyed the sound of the waves, the constant breeze (which at times were more like strong winds) and the warm sun. The seventh day was spent on an island tour that included the California lighthouse, Alto Vista church, natural bridge, lunch at a barbeque restaurant and snorkeling at Baby Beach. It was a great day.

Many martinis, much champagne and a buffet of meals later, we are home - tanned, rested and in my case, a few pounds heavier. I need to start my diet again. I almost had to lay on the bed to zip up my jeans to come home yesterday. The week promises to be busy. I need to get back to Willow, prepare a plan for my Calgary client visit in a couple of weeks and do a little work for another client. At some point this week, I will also take a drive to Guelph and enjoy a couple of hours catching up with Jacob. Today the sun is shining and the air is warm. It's good to be home.