One Hundred Days of Snow

“Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.” -  Earl Wilson

The news at noon yesterday reported a new weather record broken in Toronto.  For the first time in recorded history, we had snow on the ground for one hundred consecutive days.  The rain predicted for today was coming down in big fluffy flakes when I ventured out to the bank this morning.  I had thought the predicted rainfall would likely go a long way to melting the snow but as it stands now, that's not likely to happen.  Freezing rain is predicted for late in the day and the rains have not yet otherwise materialized.  

I've been trying to remember the last year I felt winter would never end.  I recall a brutal winter in 2003 when I was doing a big downsizing at the company I was working at.  We had to delay the announcement downsizing by several days because we had such a severe storm in mid-April that we couldn't get to the plant to do the layoffs.  The only other standout year for me was 1992.  I don't really recall if the winter was brutal, just that we had very little spring and no summer.  It was the year my father died.  Jacob was a small baby and I did much of the year in a haze but I do remember standing in the cemetary on July 18, shivering in the cold.  It was as if the weather was in harmony with my grief.

A young man in the bank this morning reminded me that inevitably the warmth will come.  We may not have much of a spring this year, maybe not even much of a summer.  But I'm pretty sure there won't be snow on the ground in July.

Here Comes The Bridezilla

"Weddings are never about the bride and groom, weddings are public platforms for dysfunctional families."  - Lisa Kleypas

As spring aproaches, I am reminded that wedding season is almost on our doorstep.  I like weddings.  Well done, they are hopeful events that bring together friends and family in joy.  Unfortunately, they are not always well done.  A great wedding isn't about how fancy it is.  It's not about the flowers or the food or the dress.  It's about the sentiment.  Some of my favorite weddings were done on a shoestring. One of my least favorite  was so expensive, it necessitated the parents of the bride to mortgage their house to pay for it.  That marriage lasted about three months.  I have some pretty clear ideas about weddings and how things should be for both the wedding couple and their families. The beauty of having a blog is that I get to put them out there, even if no one has asked.

For the wedding couple:  It's your day, not your month, not your year.  No one else really cares about your wedding.  Have the day you want and the day you can afford.  If you are grown up enough to get married, you are grown up enough to pay your own way.  Your parents don't owe you a wedding.  Make your own decisions.  If you don't want anyone else's opinions, don't ask for them.  If you are lucky enough to have family members who are paying your way or helping you to pay your way, be grateful.  Tell them often and sincerely how grateful you feel.  If they are paying and they want some say, try to give it to them.  You don't have to die on every hill.  If you don't like the strings that come attached to the money, don't take the money.  Try not to get so focused on the wedding that you forget about the marriage.  The wedding will last one day.  The marriage is supposed to last a lifetime.  Put the majority of your energy into planning for the success of the marriage, not the success of the wedding.

For the parents of the wedding couple:  It is their wedding, not yours.  You probably already had your wedding.  Butt out unless asked for advice.  If you give advice and it is not accepted, be gracious.  Don't go into debt to pay for the wedding.  If your children are old enough to get married, they are old enough to pay their own way.  If you want to pay for or help pay for the wedding, give the amount within your means.  Give it openly, without strings. If you are the parents of the bride, step into this century.  It may seem sweet to expect the groom to ask your permission or blessing before asking the bride to marry him but frankly, it's icky.  Women are not chattel.  Your daughter is not your possession to give away.  You don't own her and he won't either. 

For everyone:  This can be a stressful time.  Stress can bring out the best and the worst in people.  Try to let it bring out your best.  Always choose to give one another the benefit of the doubt.  Learn how to count under your breath and practise the art of walking away before you say something best left unsaid.  Remember that it is impossible to unring a bell.  It is a wedding - just another party.  At the end of the day, it is only the marriage and family relationships that count.