Up and Down

"If I have to move up in a building, I choose the elevator over the escalator.  Because one time I was riding the escalator and I tripped.  I fell down the stairs for an hour and a half." - Demetri Martin

I'm spending two more days at the Ontario Labour Relations Board this week.  We are in closing arguments for a case that has gone on for more than two years.  While we went in with the expectation that it would be over at the end of tomorrow, it became increasingly more clear as the day wore on that there is no possibility that we will finish this week.

It took me an hour and a quarter to drive in this morning.  It is construction season and the traffic was truly terrible.  I noted when I got to Dundas and Yonge, that the labourer's union representing elevator repairers was picketing on all four corners of the intersection.  Who knew that elevator repairers have their own union?  Interestingly enough, when I arrived at the OLRB today, there was an elevator out, causing significant delays in getting up to the hearing rooms.  When I finally got up to the fourth floor, I noticed that in one of the hearing rooms, the labourer's union was in hearings with Otis Elevators.  I hope the inconvenience of being delayed in getting up to the hearing room helped motivate both sides to work it out.  At the very least, it made me smile.

Time's Up

"In the future everyone will be world-famous for 15 minutes." - Andy Warhol

Dear Rob Ford,

This letter will serve as notice that your position as Mayor of Toronto has been terminated.  Please retreat to the rock you live under and take your brother Doug with you.  Your fifteen minutes are up.

Sincerely,

The Citizens of Toronto

A Latter Day Laugh

"The past may be in tatters
But today is all that matters
Because today is yesterday's Latter Day."
- Lyrics from Tomorrow is a Latter Day; The Book of Mormon

It is crude, crass and completely irreverant.  It's also one of the funniest shows I've ever seen.  Last night Merv and I went to the Princess of Wales to see The Book of Mormon.  Our tickets came as part of our Mirvish subscription series.  Good thing.  There are no tickets to buy. 

For Jacob's birthday last summer, we gave him a certificate good for an evening at the theatre production of his choice, dinner and an overnight stay at a downtown hotel.  He and Courtney wanted to see The Book of Mormon.  As subscribers, we had a chance to buy tickets twenty-four hours before they went on sale to the public.  I asked Jacob to tell me when they wanted to go.  He didn't get back to me for weeks.  By the time he did, there were no tickets to be had.  Too bad because it is one production I know he would have enjoyed.  I will be keeping my eyes open in case there is a late release of tickets or any new shows get added. 

The audience for last night's show was a mature crowd though there were some young teenagers there with their parents.  They didn't belong there.  The show is recommended for audiences over eighteen.  I'm always amazed when parents ignore these recommendations.  In the case of this show, the adults only rating is highly appropriate.

One thing that intrigued me was that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints had taken out three full page ads in the program inviting people to learn about Mormonism.  I was wondering after I saw the show if anyone ever does contact them in response to those ads.  Considering that the play is a scathing, satirical indictment of their religion, I guess at the very least, it shows they have a sense of humor.

Bathing and Other Small Pleasures

"That man is rich whose pleasures are the cheapest." - Henry David Thoreau 

There are a lot of things I take for granted.  Maybe we all do.  Being unable to use my arm these past couple of weeks has been a real eye opener.  For two weeks, I wasn't able to take a bath.  Logistically, I could get myself into the tub but I couldn't get myself out of the tub.  By yesterday I had made enough progress to try to have a bath.  I set the telephone on the side of the tub in case I got stuck and had to call the cavalry in to rescue me.  I like baths.  Outside of extraordinary circumstances, I haven't had a shower in years.  My bath yesterday was especially sweet.  I did manage to get myself out.  As much as I would like to have bathed again this morning, I was sore enough and stiff enough not to risk it so it was back to the shower today.

I've learned a lot these past couple of weeks.  The world isn't really made for people with one functional arm.  I can drive with my right hand but drive-through windows at Tim's and MacDonald's aren't workable.  Nor are parking lot entrances where I've been required to push a button and take a ticket at entry.  I thought I would rip my shoulder open this morning when trying to park at the hospital for my appointment at the orthopaedic clinic.

The good news is that I'm certainly not suffering the same acuity of pain that I was last week at this time.  I was out of my mind with pain for much of last week.  I've been for two rounds of physio since I went to emergency for the first time a week and a half ago.  I've also been back to emergency.  It would seem that the first doctor I saw was less than diligent in taking an adequate amount of time or expending an adequate amount of energy to properly diagnose my pain.  It took the physiotherapist all of three minutes to figure out that I don't have bicep tendonitis.   She was quite certain that there was instead a problem with my rotator cuff - most likely a tear of the supraspinatus muscle.  She was amazed that the emergency room doctor told me not to sling the arm and wouldn't give me any pain medication.  By the time I got to physio, my pain level was so intense that my shoulder had frozen so she sent me back to emerg.  This time the hospital did xrays, put me in a sling and arranged for me to see an orthopaedic specialist.  The big question was, did I tear the muscle partially or completely?  A complete tear means surgery.  A partial tear means the injury may be healed by physio and time.

The specialist today told me he can see  on the xray that there are calcifications in my rotator cuff.  Those calcifications may be causing rotator cuff tendonitis.  Or my supraspinatus muscle may be torn.  He wants to try six more weeks of physio before we even bother trying to figure it out.  If I'm not pain free in six weeks, he will order an MRI and we'll decide from there.

As for me, I'm pretty relieved.  I still have a considerable amount of pain but at least I'm not crying with it anymore.  I'm back to sleeping in bed instead of in a chair.  I can, in a limited way, use my hand - at least enough to use the keyboard for short periods of time or hold the end of a wire when I'm making a piece of jewellery. I can even get my underwear on without feeling like I've done the twenty-minute workout.  If there is some way to avoid surgery, I'll take it.  I've run out of courage and I can't face the pain of being sliced and diced one more time.

Pain

"The aim of the wise is not to secure pleasure, but to avoid pain." - Aristotle

In the early days of last week, I started to notice an aching in my left arm.  It wasn't a terrible aching but the discomfort was enough to keep me from sleeping on that side.  By Saturday, that little ache had turned into a significant acute pain that made me want to scream every time I moved my arm.  By Monday, it was relentless agony.  Tuesday I went to emerg at North York General. Diagnosis:  bicep tendonitis. Treatment: Excercise and take Advil or Tylenol.  Seriously?  Suggesting that I exercise when even the slightest twitch is agony is just bizarre.  And if coping by taking a little Advil or Tylenol could have done the job, I wouldn't have spent hours in the emergency department.

The week has been a blur.  I can't sleep.  I can't bathe because while I can get myself into the tub, I can't get myself out.  I can't concentrate to read.  I can't use my arm enough to be able to do any beading or projects.  Other than to grab a cup of yogurt from the fridge or a pear from the fruitbowl, I cannot put together a meal. And I can't drive.

In a little while I will take a shower and try to begin the difficult process of dressing with one arm. Late this afternoon I have a physio appointment.  I know the therapist well.  She helped me greatly when I was having problems with my back.  I'm praying she will be able to do enough today to at the least move me out of the state of agony.

When I was younger, I had a higher tolerance for pain.  Perhaps because I've had so much of it in my 57 years or perhaps because it's a natural part of aging or I'm just not so brave anymore, I don't tolerate it like I did in my younger years.  God help me.  I need some relief.

On The Road Again

"I had to stop driving my car for a while...the tires got dizzy." - Steven Wright

As I was creeping through the drive-thru window at McDonalds yesterday morning, I noticed the high-pitched sound of squealing brakes.  I looked around at the other cars in the queue several times before I realized the noise was coming from my car.  I was surprised and not surprised. I've put Buffy through a lot this week.  No wonder she is squealing at me.

Monday was a planned journey to Guelph and back, though the two-and-a-half hour stop-and-start return on the 401 was unplanned.  Tuesday was an uplanned trip to Waterloo, then Guelph and then back to Toronto.  Yesterday was an unplanned trip to Collingwood to pick up Courtney.  Buffy didn't even get to cool off between the two hour drive to Collingwood and the return trip to Toronto.

Her service warranty expired last June.  I loved the luxury of dropping her in for service and not facing a colossal bill when I picked her up.  I'm bracing for the bill that will face me this year.  I know I need a new front tire to balance the one I had replaced in January.  Her squealing brakes are probably indicative of a need for new brake shoes, at the very least.  And the remote functions on my keys aren't working any more.  Cha-ching.  Cha-ching. Cha-ching.  I'll try to find a day in my already jammed schedule next week to take her in for service.  Courtney is back living in Collingwood for the summer.  Jacob is in Toronto.  And so the driving season begins.

Moving on Tax Day

"Today, it takes more brains and effort to make out the income-tax form than it does to make the income."  ~Alfred E. Neuman

I'm having a week.  Jacob got access to his new digs on Tuesday.  I took him to Guelph on Monday so he could finish packing up his old place.  The plan was that I would drop him off and do some of the errands that were piling up and demanding my attention.  Then on Tuesday, after a day of working in Waterloo, Merv would go and help him move.  That is, Merv would help him move his boxes.  The big things will have to wait until a later date when Stan can drive to Guelph with his truck.  The reason for the sketchy plan was that it didn't occur to Jacob to make arrangements for his move more than a couple of days ahead of time.  For one thing, he didn't realize that he can't rent a truck because he isn't yet 25 and when he did realize that, he thought I would just go rent the truck for him - no reservations.  I swear half the places in Guelph were being packed up and moved this weekend.  Clearly there were no trucks to rent.  Now if I was asked, I could have told him all this weeks ago but I've been trying not to interfere and just let him figure it out.  He is almost 22 years old and it's time.  The one thing I did do was ask him about a dozen times to get the details for me so I could write a year's worth of post-dated rent cheques.  But it wasn't until after I was back in Toronto on Monday night (after a two-hour drive on the 401) that I realized he still hadn't done it so I called him and got details and gave the cheques to Merv to bring to him on Tuesday.  It turned out I didn't get any of my errands done on Monday so Tuesday was slated to be a packed day with the most pressing issue being the completion of both mine and Jacob's income tax returns.  


A couple of weeks ago, I booked a coffee date for Tuesday morning with my friend Kim.  It is the first opportunity I would have to meet Stella, her beautiful baby daughter.  After a couple of lovely hours of catch-up time, I left Kim and Stella and glanced at my Blackberry.  Jacob had left a message - could I drive to Guelph to meet him and his new landlord by 1 o'clock?  It was 11:10.  I called him.  One of his new roomates had arranged a meeting with the landlord to get keys and make the rent payments at 1:00.  Jacob needed his cheques.  The problem was that the cheques were with Merv in Waterloo.  The next couple of hours taught me some things.  First, it is impossible to get from Toronto to Waterloo to Guelph in less than two hours.  Second, when you've had three cups of coffee, it's best not to hit the highway for a three hour excursion without stopping to use the bathroom.  Lessons learned.  Suffice it to say that I got the cheques and delivered them to Guelph, albeit not before 1:00.  Not that it mattered at that point.  When I called Jacob from Waterloo to tell him I was racing back from his dad's office, he told me the meeting had been moved to 2:30.  At least I felt free to stop to go to the bathroom.

By the time I returned to Toronto, it was almost 6:00.  I tackled my taxes which took me almost two hours.  Then I tackled Jacob's.  His should have been really easy but as it was late and I was frazzled, I couldn't make them work.  He didn't get a T4 last year from Rogers because they were paying him as a contractor rather than as an employee.  He made far less money than we would have to make to pay taxes so I just couldn't figure out why the tax program kept showing that he owed more than $400.  In truth, I should have figured it out.  I too am self employed.  But by then I was tired so I packed it in.  Yesterday I took him to H&R Block and paid them $80 so they could get to the exact same place I got to the night before.  It wasn't taxes that he owed but CPP.  When we got home from getting his taxes done, I went over to Geraldine's for a sanity saving cup of tea.  When I got back to the house, Jacob's friends were here.  I hadn't planned on feeding a crowd but I managed to make a substantial dinner of short-ribs, asparagus and baked beans for the boys.  When I finally stopped, I realized I hadn't crossed off a single errand on my list.  Ah well.  There is always today.

Courtney will be coming for the weekend.  She'll be here tomorrow morning.  I'm looking forward to a little dedicated Courtney/Jackie time.  Next week is shaping up to be busy.  Monday and Tuesday I am scheduled for a hearing at the OLRB.  Wednesday afternoon, I will be working with Ger at the local McDonald's for McHappy Day.  I haven't done that for a lot of years.  It will no doubt, be fun.

The sun is shining this morning.  The leaves on the trees are trying hard to unfurl.  I think we're probably still a few days away from green day.  Spring is such a hopeful time of year.  I think I will run those errands but still try to find an hour to sit on the deck and enjoy the beauty of this day.