Jacob's New Digs

"We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths."
- Walt Disney

Merv rented a truck on Thursday night and yesterday we moved Jacob into his new place in Guelph. We had seen pictures of the house and had driven by it but it was our first opportunity to go inside. The house is small but perfect for Jacob and the three friends he will be sharing with. It's fairly new and close to the university on a quiet crescent. Jacob is taking the basement family room as his suite giving him his own bathroom, a couple of small storage rooms and a healthy sized, brightly lit bedroom complete with electric fireplace.

It would appear that the home's last owners did not leave it in the cleanest state possible. My sensitive nose didn't much care for the odor that greeted me as I walked in the front door. Jacob's suite didn't smell but I wasn't enchanted with the cleanliness of the bathroom. So while Merv and Jacob worked to assemble the myriad of Ikea furniture we bought, I headed off to Zehrs for cleaning supplies.

By the early afternoon, I had Febreezed all the carpets, upholstered furniture and drapes in the house. I cleaned Jacob's bathroom to within an inch of its life and then did the same in the kitchen. I unpacked and washed all the dishes, glasses, flatware and appliances (toaster oven, blender, crockpot) I brought, slugged what seemed like a thousand boxes, broke down the cardboard from every over-packaged item and washed the floors. By the end I was aching and exhausted.

Merv drove the truck back to Toronto but Jacob and I stopped to have a bite of lunch. Jacob was famished and falling apart from getting up at 5:00 A.M. to give the boys an early start. I wasn't far behind them and I too was experiencing a few hunger pangs. So Jacob and I had lunch and headed back to the city. He was asleep before we got to the first stop light, a block from the restaurant. I woke him up when we got home.

Today I'm planning a trip to the Ex with Nan. We usually go the first week but didn't manage to fit it in this year. We'll do a bit of shopping at the International pavilion, grab a cob of roasted corn and have some hats embroidered for Nancy and Aivars to wear at the Weekend to End Breast Cancer. Jacob is enjoying Fan Expo with his friends today. I'll invite Merv to join Nan and I at the CNE but I suspect he will opt yo soothe his weary bones with a couple of beers and a sleep on the deck instead.

Heaven Can Wait

Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
- Dylan Thomas

Geraldine called late Wednesday to tell me that Dora had woken up hungry and frisky that morning and so they had not taken her to the vet for her last earthly trip. The vet suggested that Dora's improved condition wouldn't last for more than a day, perhaps two so the inevitable could be postponed as long. At seven o'clock this morning I met Brian and Dora as they were out having their morning walk. Dora was still fairly energetic. Her tumor has stopped bleeding and has shrunk back to egg size. There is no explanation.

Tomorrow Ger and I will travel, with Dora, to Havelock to enjoy a couple of days with Cath at the lake. How things will unfold with Dora, I have no idea. But it would seem, at least for a little while, heaven can wait.

Dora’s New Exploration

“The first step towards getting somewhere
is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are” – Dora the Explorer

Yesterday I was given a most gracious gift – the chance to say goodbye to my darling little friend Dora. We’ve known for some time that Dora is sick with cancer. But still we all hoped for some extra time. As late as a week ago, the vet was saying two more months, maybe longer. Dora spent the weekend with her humans, Brian and Geraldine, at Cath’s lake house. Reportedly, she was frisky on Saturday but sadly quiet on Sunday. Her tumor grew overnight from the size of an egg to the size of a grapefruit. She began to bleed. Their planned long weekend at the lake was cut short. Brian and Ger brought Dora home on Monday and took her to the vet. The vet confirmed she is at the end of her days and while he was prepared to euthanize her then, he could give them some painkillers and they could take Dora home for another day or two. And that is what they did.

Geraldine called me and offered an invitation to drop by and see Dora if I felt I wanted to. I was grateful for the gift of a last couple of hours spent in the company of a little dog I have come to know and love. So yesterday morning I walked down the street. Dora was happy to see me. Though she had been lying very low, she got up to greet me, tail wagging. We lay on the floor together, looking deeply into each other’s eyes. I spoke softly to her and cried. We moved to the couch. Brian took out his camera and took some pictures of Dora and I together, snuggling close for the last time. After a couple of hours, I told Dora I love her and took my leave.

Sometime today, Dora will start a new exploration. And heaven will be blessed with the addition of a new little white angel.

Tired

"All the world's a stage and all the men and women merely players." - William Shakespeare

Jacob's birthday party on Friday night was a success. I spent the entire day from early Friday morning preparing for the event. By the end of the night on Friday I was pretty much falling apart. Jacob had neglected to tell me he had invited the party goers to spend the night so I was up at 6:30 on Saturday morning to go to What a Bagel and Longo's so I could lay in a supply of breakfast groceries. I made breakfast for the gang and then did a couple of hours of clean up before Merv and I headed out to St Jacobs for an anniversary party on Saturday.

One of Merv's new work friends celebrated her 25th wedding anniversary at the St. Jacobs Community Centre and Lion's Club starting at 8:30 on Saturday night. We did some wandering in St. Jacobs in the afternoon then checked into the Waterloo Inn to change before retuning to St. Jacobs for dinner at a local restaurant before heading over to the party. A few of Merv's colleagues were there and they seemed nice in the brief introduction we had. Unfortunately the music was so loud that we were unable to have any real conversation. By 11:00 P.M., we were both pretty exhausted so we went back to the hotel. After a decent night's sleep, we spent the day today in Stratford where we had tickets for the afternoon performance of Dangerous Liaisons.

Dangerous Liaisons is a drama set in seventeen century France shortly before the French Revolution. It is an intricate story and the play was well written and well acted. Just the same, it was three hours long. The seating at the Festival Theatre is a little bit uncomfortable - hard seats and little leg room. Merv took a couple of short naps during the first act but I watched it all making a maximum effort to limit the amount of squirming and shifting I did in my seat. We did see some interesting characters though both during the intermission and while waiting for the theatre to open. It took me a couple of minutes to put Margaret Atwood's name to her face and I saw a couple of other personalities I couldn't quite name. By far though, my favourite couple was a man and woman in their mid fifties. He is black. She is white. But they both had their hair dyed in the same unnatural shade of yellow. Hers was frizzy and mid-back length. His was in badly overgrown dreadlocks down to his waist. But the top of his head wasn't braided so he looked like a french poodle with braids. Very strange.

Jacob and his friends must have spent the day here yesterday before heading off to another party last night and one today from which he has yet to return. I know they were here because, of course, the house looks like it has been hit by a bomb. At least it doesn't smell. I will clean it up in the morning after the boys leave for work. For tonight, I'm just plain too tired.

Tomorrow I plan to order Jacob's bed for delivery to his new place on Friday. I have a business lunch scheduled and I need to steam clean the rug that Jacob is taking with him. Merv has rented a truck to take Jacob's furniture to Guelph on Friday. The days before school starts are growing short.

A Flurry of Activity

"The woods are lovely, dark and deep
But I have promises to keep
And miles to go before I sleep
And miles to go before I sleep."
- Robert Frost

I met the morning view from my bedroom window with some surprise today. The leaves on the giant maples in the ravine behind us have already started to turn. They are a brilliant red which tells me the ravine will be glorious this fall.

Today is Merv's and my twenty-first wedding anniversary. We are headed to St Jacobs tomorrow for an anniversary party for someone Merv works with who I have yet to meet. We will stay in Waterloo tomorrow night and then drive to Stratford on Sunday to see a play. When were were dating and then first married, we went to Stratford every year but it has been a long time. Tonight we will be home celebrating quietly while Jacob's birthday party goes on downstairs.

I have a lot to do to get ready for tonight. Soon I will leave for Costco to pick up the cake I ordered a couple of days ago. And I'm going to pick up a large beef tenderloin to feed the kids. The menu will also include fusilli with pesto and sundried tomatoes for Jacob's vegetarian friend, caesar salad, corn on the cob and rolls with butter. In addition to cake, I will serve the caramel apples that I'll be making with Sara this afternoon. I've decided to go easy on myself and use paper plates. This is my third party in two weeks and I can't face another big clean up. I'll make a run to the beer store this afternoon and then to the LCBO. I thought I might make a nice pitcher of peach sangria for the girls and perhaps enjoy a glass or two myself.

So many reasons to celebrate. So much to do.

Nineteen

"Pregnancy is a disease from which you recover in 18 years and 9 months." ~Carrie Latet

Yesterday Merv and I spent the afternoon in Port Hope celebrating my great niece Emily's sixteenth birthday. I don't know when it happened that Emily grew from the shy little girl into the beautiful, poised and gracious young woman she has become. I could swear I barely blinked and it happened.

On the way home from Port Hope I was remembering another August 15, nineteen years ago. It was a painfully scorching Thursday. I wore my hot pink and black suit to work and my assistant moved the buttons on it while I sat in my bra in my office. I couldn't quite get it buttoned up over my belly that morning without straining so as she had done several times before, she moved the buttons to give me a little more room. That morning, however, she told me she had extended it as far as she could go and there would be no more chances after that day to give me a little extra room. By August 15, I was pretty short on clothing options. I only had a couple of things I could still cram into. I was self-conscious of my protruding belly button and swollen feet. And I was exhausted.

My due date was August 23 but I knew Jacob wouldn't wait that long to make his appearance. I had told my obstetrician the week before that I expected my scheduled August 16 office appointment would be taking place in the labour room at Mt. Sinai. He laughed and told me he would see me in the office the following week. That August 15 morning, I knew with relative certainty the day would be my last in the office before giving birth. I finished up my work, cleared my calendar, drove to Markham on my lunch hour to pick up Merv's gift for our anniversary five days later and bought a small gift to leave on the pillow for Merv when he returned from the hospital following Jacob's birth. I told my boss I expected to go into labour that night and so I wouldn't be in the office the next day but would call the next week. He thought I was nuts. The women in the office tried to convince me that I was not ready to go into labour as I would get a burst of energy first - nature's gift to help me survive labour. But I know my body and I knew I had hit my pregnancy limit.

When I arrived home from work that night I was too tired to cook so we ordered Swiss Chalet. I packed my bag and stashed Merv's pillow gift for easy access so I could slip it on the pillow while he went to get the car. I told him I was going to go into labour and asked him at what point he wanted me to wake him up. He laughed and told me to wake him when the contractions were five minutes apart. And that is what I did. Around 11:00 I went to bed, knowing there was no chance for sleep but at least I thought I could get a little rest. At 1:15 my labour started. At 3:30 I woke Merv. At 5:30 we left for the hospital (via Merv's office where I sat in the car on St. Clair Avenue while he made some preparations for the morning meeting he was going to miss).

Thinking Jacob would arrive on that Friday, I turned the nursery rhyme over in my head...Friday's child is loving and giving. I didn't know he wouldn't make his arrival until the next stanza doomed him to work hard for a living. It was a long, and painful day. A little more than 26 hours after I started labour, Jacob was born by c-section at 3:15 A.M. on Saturday, August 17.

He was beautiful. Nineteen years later, he still is.

Sprung

The best six doctors anywhere
And no one can deny it
Are sunshine, water, rest, and air
Exercise and diet.
These six will gladly you attend
If only you are willing
Your mind they'll ease
Your will they'll mend
And charge you not a shilling.

~Nursery rhyme quoted by Wayne Fields, What the River Knows, 1990


My life for the past five years has included many visits to Princess Margaret Hospital. It will be five years in October since my breast cancer diagnosis was made. Of course, the year following diagnosis, was one long saga of visits to PMH for surgery, chemo and radiation. Since then, my PMH visits have been about eight per year for scheduled appointments with my surgical oncologist, medical oncologist, MRIs, ultrasounds and mammography. By far, most of those appointments are related to visits to my surgical oncologist.

These frequent trips to PMH are not difficult or traumatic. I'm always treated well and don't usually have to wait long. But every time I go, I wonder if this is going to be my life forever. Will I never find a way to escape the clutches of cancer? Does it have to be in my face all the time? Don't get me wrong. I'm grateful for the care. Grateful that good and dedicated medical professionals have been so vigilant and thorough and have provided such good care. I'm just sick and tired of being at PMH.

Today I went to Dr. McCready's surgical oncology clinic for the last time. I didn't know it was going to be my last visit there so I was caught completely off guard.

After five years of frequent appointments and annual MRIs, Dr. McCready told me I don't need to see him anymore. I'm fine. My recent MRI was once again clear. My recent ultrasound was clear. My last mammogram was clear. I will continue my annual visit to the medical oncologist and go back to the same process every other sane woman my age goes through. My family doctor will schedule an annual mammogram and an ultrasound. If something comes up, Dr. McCready will get involved. Other than when walking at the Weekend to End Breast Cancer in September, he doesn't expect to see me again.

I am well. It is a good day - no, it is a great day - and so, I thrive!