Transition Days

"Summer is like the ultimate one-night stand.. hot as hell, totally thrilling, and gone before you know it." - Anonymous

Jacob will return to school in just five more days. I'm trying to be brave. I think he is excited about getting started on a new school year though he is feigning indifference - I suspect for my benefit. He doesn't want me to think he's anxious to get away from home. Very sweet.

The sting of his departure may be tempered a bit by the demands of my incredibly busy work schedule. My experience in consulting is that it's pretty much feast or famine. I've certainly known famine but right now I'm in feast. I've had a few nights of late when I've been awake at 4 A.M. wondering how I'm going to get it all done. I will, of course, get it all done. I always do. When these times of feast come, I don't feel I can turn down any work. I never know how long it will last, so I plow through. Somehow it always turns out.

Adding to my current load is the revving up of my Board demands. Both Boards are taking an inordinate amount of my time. This too shall pass.

My biggest challenge is to figure out how I'm going to make my schedule work in a way that will still accommodate frequent trips to Guelph. He may be back at school but time with Jacob will still be my first priority.

Walking!

"All truly great thoughts are conceived by walking."
- Friedrich Nietzsche

My sister Nancy called me from Mom's nursing home this afternoon to share what she was witnessing in real time. Mom was walking down the hall. Though the doctor told us that with assistance, Mom would be able to stand again, she wouldn't be able to walk. But, of course, he doesn't know Mom. The physiotherapist at the nursing home does know Mom and he wasn't prepared to accept that her walking days are done. So she walks. That is miracle number one.

The second miracle of the day is that while walking her, the physiotherapist asked her to tell him her name. Mom hasn't been able to answer that question in several years. But today she looked at him and answered "Flo". Incredible. Stupendous. Amazing. Another blessing in our abundant lives.

RIP Jack

"Every member of Parliament has been sent there by Canadians, and that decision should be respected, and that member of Parliament should be respected."
~ Jack Layton

Even those of us who did not share his political views are mourning the death of Jack Layton today. His passing is a loss to this country. I didn't share his view of the world but I certainly admired his passion and commitment to making our society more just and equitable for all Canadians.

Mr. Layton's passing is made more poignant by the realization that he will not be there in Parliament on the opening day when the New Democratic Party will form the official opposition. He will not have the opportunity to watch his life's work come to fruition.

Rest in peace Jack. Your legacy of hope for the future will live on.

Flights of Fancy

Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away
If you can use some exotic booze
There's a bar in far Bombay
Come fly with me, let's fly, let's fly away
-Lyrics to 'Come Fly with Me' by Sammy Cahn and Jimmy Van Heusen

Part of Merv’s very thoughtful anniversary gift to me on Saturday was a pair of tickets to see Come Fly Away, the music and dancing extravaganza based on the songs of Frank Sinatra. The production is playing at the Four Seasons Centre for the Performing Arts. We first headed to Tundra in the Hilton for a wonderful meal and then to the theatre, a first time at this venue for both of us. The theatre is modern and attractive. The sight lines and acoustics are excellent. I don’t think there is a bad seat in the house.

Come Fly Away is an 80 minute performance run without intermission. A live band plays along with the recorded voice of Frank Sinatra while a dozen dancers choreographed by Twyla Tharp enchant the audience with their ability to seemingly fly. It was a very enjoyable and uplifting evening.

This afternoon Merv, Jacob, Jacob's friend John and I went on a helicopter tour of the city. Merv bought the tour as a gift for Jacob's and Jonathan's birthdays but as Jonathan has left for a family vacation, John took his spot on the chopper. It was my first time riding in a helicopter. I was a bit wary. It is not an experience I expected to enjoy. But I actually loved it. It is inspiring to see the city from up high. We certainly do live in a beautiful place. The tour was only ten minutes long. Merv was able to get discount tickets through his company but even at the discount rate, it was the equivalent of $10 per minute, per person. While it certainly was worth it, I'd like to take a longer ride next time.

Amazing Grace

“Grace is available for each of us every day - our spiritual daily bread - but we've got to remember to ask for it with a grateful heart and not worry about whether there will be enough for tomorrow.” -Sarah Ban Breathnach

It will be twenty-two years on Saturday since Merv and I got married. I've been thinking a lot in the last week about what I must have been thinking about that week (though I don't actually remember). I know I had great dreams and hopes for my life. I suspect, though, that I didn't know that I would have a life filled with an abundance of grace - perhaps more grace than anyone could hope for or expect.

Three days shy of our second wedding anniversary, Jacob was born. That very event alone made me one of the most blessed women in the world. In the intervening years, my life has been an abundance of blessings. I've probably never been more aware of that than I have been these past couple of weeks.

In late July, I went to Princess Margaret Hospital for my annual MRI. As I didn't hear anything from the hospital within the week following, I assumed all is well. But nine days after the MRI, I got the dreaded phone call. The MRI showed a problem that merited further investigation. Follow up tests were scheduled for today, sixteen days after that call. In those sixteen days, I hosted Cath's birthday dinner, Jacob's and Jonathan's birthday party and just last night, Jacob's birthday dinner. My Mom fell and broke her hip, survived surgery and is making a miraculous recovery. I am so grateful for those things - a wonderful family to celebrate and the survival of my Mom, that I didn't know if I even dared to ask for good results today. But through the grace of God, I got them anyway. All clear.

My life is almost an embarrassment of riches. I am so grateful. Amazing grace.

Gleeful

Don't be a drag, just be a queen
Whether you're broke or evergreen
You're black, white, beige, chola descent
You're Lebanese, you're orient
Whether life's disabilities
Left you outcast, bullied, or teased
Rejoice and love yourself today
'cause baby you were born this way
- Lady GaGa

I went to see the new Glee Concert movie in 3D last night with my friend Nancy and her brother Andy. It was a really fun way to pass a couple of hours. If going to the movie certifies me as a Gleek, at least I'm in good company. I suspect Glee is a guilty pleasure for a lot more middle aged people than just me, Nancy and Andy. The theatre was relatively empty but those who were there looked to be about as long in the tooth as I am. My only regret about the movie is that I dutifully sat and watched when what I really wanted to do was dance and sing. Maybe I will go back to a matinee by myself one day this week. The theatre is almost always empty in the afternoons. I can sit at the back and dance and sing my heart out. If anyone does look at me strangely, I'll just explain - baby I was born this way.

Fatigued

"Fatigue is the best pillow."
- Benjamin Franklin

The weekend is coming to an end. I have a great deal of work facing me this week as I need to make up for the client appointments and work I was supposed to do last week but had to put aside to attend to my mom. Unfortunately, I'm starting the week tired.

Jacob's and Jonathan's birthday party finally ended around 3 o'clock this afternoon when the last of the seven kids who stayed over, went home. I went to bed late after cleaning up and rose early to feed the hoard as they straggled in from sleeping. There were a couple of hangovers to deal with but mostly they were hungry and happy to be fed. I had barely cleaned up from breakfast when a delivery man appeared at the door. The kids had ordered Chinese food. They ate and left a big mess. I cleaned up one more time before I headed to the nursing home to spend time with my mom.

Mom is looking better and brighter since she is back in her own bed. But the poor nursing care she had at the hospital resulted in bed sores on her hip. The nursing home staff have taken great care to repair the damage but it is evident Mom is experiencing some discomfort. It's incredibly frustrating to see her in this situation. The nursing home staff report they have never had a patient return from a stay at the hospital, who did not come back without a bed sore. Horrifying and unconscionable.

As Stan dropped Cath off at the nursing home on their way home from the lake this afternoon, I ended up taking Cath grocery shopping when we left Mom's. I got home, made dinner and now need to clean up. I can barely face it. I think I'll try for an early bedtime and hope to wake refreshed in the morning.

In Her Own Bed

"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running."
- Groucho Marx

My mom was released from the hospital today and returned to the Houses of Providence where she is snugly sleeping in her own bed. I am very relieved and very happy.

It has been a busy day. Tonight we hosted Jacob's and Jonathan's 20th birthday party. I ran around much of the afternoon getting things ready for tonight. Before the guests arrived, I went next door to attend an open house being thrown by our neighbours. Then I came home to start dinner for what turned out to be fourteen of Jacob's friends plus Merv, myself, Brian and Geraldine. Sushi, a large crudite plate, Caesar salad, chicken wings, beef tenderloin and rolls made up the meal. For dessert there were brownies and a large birthday cake. Judging from the little that was left, I think the food was a hit.

It's after midnight now and I've just finished cleaning up the kitchen. It has been good to hear the sounds of the kids in the house. I am exhausted. It's time to head up to bed. There are a mound of backpacks and pillows in the entry hall. That tells me there will be a lot of mouths to feed at breakfast tomorrow.

On The Mend

"Our creator is the same and never changes despite the names given Him by people here and in all parts of the world. Even if we gave Him no name at all, He would still be there, within us, waiting to give us good on this earth."
- George Washington Carver

About two and a half hours after surgery started, Mom's surgeon came into the surgical waiting room to let us know she came through the surgery with flying colours. The surgery was a little more complex than planned. The break required them to put in a steel plate, and not just the screws they thought would be required. She will be at the hospital for two or three days before being discharged back to the Houses of Providence.

It has been an ordeal for all of us, most especially for Mom, of course, but also for my sisters and me. We have been helped tremendously by the love, support and prayers of so many friends. I will be forever grateful.

Wait Hardest

"No collection of people who are all waiting for the same thing are capable of holding a natural conversation. Even if the thing they are waiting for is only a taxi."
- Ben Elton

It was close to 11 A.M. by the time I arrived at the hospital this morning. Nan was here early and I had intended to get here sooner but I seemed to be stuck on slow speed. Not that I missed anything. No one had spoken to Nan. Not a doctor. Not a nurse. Around 11:30 the doctor from Mom’s nursing home stopped by to check on her. She was alarmed that Mom hadn’t been to surgery yet. I talked to her about the lack of care Mom had received and about my concern that her pain was not being managed. She went to the nursing station for a chat. Mom’s level of care immediately changed. Within a half hour, Mom was bumped to the top of the ortho surgery list. They told us we could expect surgery sometime after 3:00 P.M. We were surprised when they came for her at 1:45. We accompanied her to the surgical floor and kissed her goodbye. I fought hard to contain my tears.

We are in the surgical waiting room now. It will be a couple of hours before the surgery is complete and the doctor comes to speak with us. The room is a zoo. On one side of me a large, boisterous group is waiting for a family member to come through surgery. There are eight of them in this small room. They decided to throw a party, complete with party snacks. They are laughing and chatting and telling stories. They are very loud and very cheerful. I feel like throttling them. On the other side is a sari-clad woman. In front of her is a suitcase. I don’t know if she speaks English. For the first ten minutes after we arrived she chatted non-stop on her cell phone in a foreign language. She looks weary. A few minutes after we arrived she slipped her shoes off, pulled up a chair and put her dirty feet on it. The few other people in the room are quiet. They all look concerned. I suspect I’m not the only one who isn’t very happy about the party going on. It seems disrespectful. I wish there was somewhere else to wait.

Wait Harder

“Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worse kind of suffering.”
- Paulo Coelho

At 10:20 tonight we were advised Mom's name had been scratched from the surgery schedule. Tomorrow morning we will start the waiting game again. In the meantime, the medical staff had not given her morphine since 6 A.M. as they did not want to depress her respiration prior to her surgery. So she spent the day in tremendous pain from the hip fracture compounded by tremendous agitation from morphine withdrawal. It has been very hard to watch.

Other than one brief visit to check her vital signs and two to empty her catheter bag, the nursing staff have been invisible. No one checked to see how she was doing. No one came to update us on the expected time of surgery. It has been another long day. I'm spent. My sisters are exhausted.

We are trying with mixed results, to stay calm and not get angry. We get that she is not a priority for them. She is 89 years old. She has Alzheimer's. She can't communicate with them. She is not their mother. They weren't on the receiving end of her loving kisses. She didn't sing to them or read them bedtime stories. She didn't tell them she loves them. I wish they could look at her and see who she really is. Apparently they can't.

The Long Hard Wait

"The world is all gates, all opportunities, strings of tension waiting to be struck."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

My mom fell on Saturday night when a nurse’s aide at the Houses of Providence, left her unattended sitting on the edge of her bed. It has been a long three days since then. The doctor at the nursing home felt it best to avoid the trauma of sending her to emergency by ambulance. Mom hasn’t done well the last couple of times she has had to leave the nursing home. So the decision was made to give her pain meds and keep her sedated until an x-ray could be done on the hospital side of Providence Health Care on Monday morning. The x-ray clinic doesn’t open on the hospital side on the weekends.

Early Monday morning, we learned the x-ray clinic was not opening that day either so mom was taken to Toronto East General Hospital by ambulance shortly before 10 o’clock. Nan rode with her in the ambulance. I had some work I needed to do with a client downtown so I didn’t arrive at TEGH until just after noon. I found Nan crying, still in Emergency with my mom whose pain meds were wearing off and who was showing obvious signs of distress which explained Nan’s meltdown. It’s awfully hard to watch my mom in pain. There is no way to explain to her what is happening. It’s hard to comfort her or assuage her fears.

Our expectation and hopes that mom would be seen early were dashed after a couple more hours of waiting. She didn’t get into x-ray until 4:30. The news wasn’t good. Mom has a broken hip. The orthopaedic surgeon outlined our options – do nothing and leave her in bed for a minimum of the next three months, or take the risk and elect surgery. We chose the latter. Being confined to bed at mom’s age is a recipe for disaster with an almost certain outcome that pneumonia would soon set in and claim her life. Surgery, of course, comes with its own risks, not the least of which is that she won’t survive the anaesthetic . But that is the decision we made. We were advised the surgery would take place last night.
At about 9:30 we were moved from Emerg to a room on the 5th floor and told we would soon be advised as to when the surgery would begin. At midnight we asked for an update. Shortly before 1 A.M. we were told there would be no surgery until the day shift arrived. We all went home.

Nan and I returned to the hospital early this morning to begin the long wait. It is now close to 3 o’clock. We still don’t have a time set for surgery. She is sedated. We are exhausted.

Hospitals are boring places. There is very little to do. The staff at TEGH are nice enough but mainly indifferent. The facility is old and depressing. I’m trying to figure out what was in the mind of the decorator who chose the paint colours for the walls. The primary colour is diarrhoea gold. The trim is flesh coloured. It’s about as ugly a combination as one could imagine. The catering facilities are sad. The gift shop is small and very limited. The smells are harsh and offensive to my super sensitive nose. And we wait. And we wait.

Lions Lions Everywhere

"It's better to be a lion for a day than a sheep all your life."
- Elizabeth Kenny

We celebrated the first of our Leo birthdays last night though Cath, the birthday girl doesn't actually have her birthday until tomorrow. But as she is at the lake for the weekend, I hosted her family birthday dinner a bit early. I am awestruck when I look at Cath to see just how beautiful and unchanged she is by time. She was stunning last night in the geometric dress I gave her last week as an early birthday gift. She is as effervescent as always, still the same girl that shared a room with me in our childhood home and an apartment with me when we left home.

Today is my friend Helen's birthday. Next week, Jonathan will celebrate his 20th birthday. A few days later it will be Jacob's turn to leave his teens. A few days after that, my dear friend Gail will celebrate her day which will put an end to her insistence on telling every living soul who will listen, that I am her much, much older friend. The next day, my friend Samia will celebrate a milestone birthday ending in a zero. My boys normally celebrate their birthdays together but they haven't decided on a plan yet for this year. Whatever they decide I know there will be much cooking and much cleaning ahead in the month of the lion.

Water Baby

"There is magic in the feel of a paddle and the movement of a canoe, magic compounded of distance, adventure, solitude and peace. The way of a canoe is the way of the wilderness and of a freedom almost forgotten. It is an antidote to insecurity, the open door to waterways of ages past and a way of life with profound and abiding satisfaction. When we are part of a canoe, we are part of all that canoes have ever known."- Siguard Olson

A leisurely weekend spent at Cath and Stan's lake house brought opportunities for new experiences on the water. Though I love the water and am truly happiest when I'm near it, until yesterday, I have never been in a canoe or a kayak. That changed yesterday morning when Cath suggested we get into her canoe (a first experience for her too) and paddle around the lake. Two hours later, Merv and Stan were in the pontoon boat looking for us. They weren't expecting us to be so long and had started to worry a bit. They found us happily paddling back to the lake house, invigorated from our exploration of the lake.

Later in the afternoon, some friends from the adjoining properties stopped by to share happy hour. They suggested that we try kayaking. So this morning they appeared with kayaks for us to try. There is something about paddling in a kayak. It is a solitary experience, peaceful and self-contained. Though it had been suggested to me that it takes a bit more practice than canoeing, I took to it like I have been doing it on my life. Two minutes of instruction lead to ninety minutes of paddling around the lake. I absolutely loved it.

As I did last night, I will take a couple of pain killers before I go to bed tonight. As wonderful as the experience was, I worked a couple of sets of muscles this weekend that haven't been worked before. I expect as I did last night, when my head hits the pillow, I will sleep like a stone.