Heart Transplant

"Making a decision to have a child -- it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." - Elizabeth Stone

Today we dropped Jacob off at school. The move-in process was extremely well organized. We were met at the curb by a small herd of students who helped us unpack the car in a matter of minutes. They grabbed Jacob's boxes and bags and carried them to his room. There was nothing for me to carry. There was only one thing I really wanted to do myself today. I wanted to make Jacob's bed. I wanted to know that when he got into bed tonight for his first night of living away from home, he would be safely tucked into the sheets I so lovingly laid on the bed and smoothed beneath my hands. But Jacob said "no". He would not allow me to make his bed. It is his room. He wanted to get organized. He wanted his space.

Merv and I left him to give him time to put some of his things away. We walked to the Tim Horton's on campus and waited for Jacob to decide he was ready to join us for a walk around the campus, a look through the resource fair and to attend the President's welcoming address to families. He left us to wait for about a half hour. We walked and looked, sat through the President's speech and tried not to ask him a lot of questions. While it was really a couple of hours, it seemed like just a few moments and it was time for us to go. We walked Jacob back to his residence building. We kissed him goodbye and walked away. No crying. No scene. I made it to the car before the tears came. Even then, my sobs were short-lived. I've cried a million tears these last months in anticipation of this day. The well is running dry. He has grown up and I'm trying to grow up too. It is time to come to terms with things. For the next four years, I will be here in Toronto and my heart will be walking around Guelph.