Ninety Candles

"Old age ain't no place for sissies." - Henry Louis Mencken

My mom turned 90 today. We celebrated with cake and a couple of hours spent with my sisters at the nursing home. It is hard to believe Mom is 90. She has known much illness in her life, much hard work, much sorrow. But also much joy. My mom reveled in her role as a mother. Nothing brought her more joy than the success of her daughters except maybe the birth of her grandson. She was married to my dad for 47 years before he passed away at just 72 years old. She is the eldest of her three siblings – all of whom passed long ago. Her dad died when she was just 12. None of her siblings saw old age, two of them passed in their 50s, one in her 60s. Her mom lived until she was 92. That was Mom’s inheritance – the Renaud genes that brought her to this old age.

When we put her in the nursing home seven years ago, I did not expect to see this day. She was declining rapidly then. It didn’t take that long until her mind was mostly vacant and she had lost her ability to intellectually connect to us. But in some ways, she is still here, still herself. Many years ago I attended a lecture by a gerontologist. She said that what really happens to people as they age is that they just become more of themselves. And that is what Mom has done. I watch some of the other residents in the nursing home. They have gotten violent and aggressive. They moan and mutter and yell. They hit. But not Mom. She smiles and the very odd time when she speaks, she will call one of her caregivers “Honey”. She is never aggressive, never angry and certainly never violent. She is just more of herself - calm and sweet and still very beautiful.

Happy Birthday Mom. I love you.