Mindless

"Of all the things I've ever lost, I miss my mind the most." - Anon

I spent a couple of hours on Queen Street yesterday scouring my favorite bead stores for special items to make some Christmas gifts. I was really pleased at what I found. After spending some time shopping for glass beads at one side of Arton, I moved over to their premium store to buy some sterling, pearls and crystal. It was a satisfying trip. I could feel my creative juices flowing. Nancy was with me and she saw some lovely (but very small) pearls that she thought she would like to find under the tree at Christmas made up into a twisted, six strand, pearl bracelet. After an hour of shopping, my stomach began growling. There is a nice Japanese restaurant down the street from Arton so we decided to head there for lunch.

The restaurant was extremely crowded though it was already well after 1:00 P.M. when we arrived. The great thing about it is that it is a buffet without being a buffet. For $11 at lunchtime, each diner is given a long menu from which to order as much or as little food as desired. The sushi is fresh and delicious. I ordered salad, California roll and tempura hand rolls, vegetable tempura, yakitori and green tea ice cream. I was happy to see Nancy eat a full meal too, such a rarity these days.

After lunch, we hit more bead stores and some fabric stores. I didn't buy anything more. After I dropped Nancy off, I drove with great anticipation. When I get home from the bead store, I love to open the bags and lay out my purchases. I turn the beads and stones over in my hand to get a feel for working with them and I start making plans. It is hard to explain to someone else because I know it sounds pretty crazy, but I listen to the stones. Eventually, they tell me what they want to become.

I pulled into the garage, parked and reached for my purse and my bag of beads. I had my purse, but no bag. The bag wasn't in my purse, wasn't in the backseat or under one of the front seats. I called Nancy to see if she had taken my bag in by mistake. She had not. I checked the car again. Checked my purse again. No beads. I felt sick. I tried to retrace in my mind when I had last had the bag - it was at lunch. I couldn't call the restaurant because I didn't know its name. There was nothing more to be done. It would have to wait for this morning.

So today, I was back on Queen Street, back at the Japanese restaurant, gratefully retrieving yesterday's purchases. I was prepared to accept the scenario however it turned out. I promised myself I wouldn't beat myself up about it if it turned out that I wasn't able to recover my treasures. I hate that I'm so absentminded these days. I hate that I can never find my car keys or that I lose my car in parking lots or leave bags behind in restaurants. I don't know if it is normal aging or having too much on my mind, the remnants of chemo brain or the onset of Alzheimer's. All I know is that I miss my mind a lot.