"Nothing fools you better than the lie you tell yourself." - Teller
Jacob has moved home. Five years ago when he left for university, I was pretty convinced the next five years would crawl by but they have not. So now Jacob turns to the next part of his life; the part where he figures out how to be an adult, an earner, an employee, a contributor to the world. Right now he is in Rome with Courtney - a graduation gift from his dad and I. While he is exploring The Vatican and the Colosseum, I've been thinking about his convocation ceremony in June - wondering how I will keep myself from wailing when he goes on stage to get his degree; wondering who will speak at the ceremony and what the speaker will have to say to the assembled crowd of graduates as they embark on a new leg of their life's journey. And wondering what I would say to them if it was me who was lucky enough to make that address. I think I would tell them the truth. After all, like most well meaning parents, I've been lying to my son for twenty-two years. I think it's probably time to stop. So here goes...
As well meaning as I've been, I want you to know that I haven't always told you the truth. I did it because I thought it was best for you but you're about to step into a different world and it wouldn't be right for me to send you out there without really knowing some things.
Do you remember when I told you that cheaters never prosper. It was a lie. Cheaters prosper all the time. Very often they get very rich and rise to high places. They become business executives and presidents and high ranking politicians. They lie to the world and to themselves. Sometimes they get caught and sometimes they don't. It's hard for me to understand how they can be happy living with themselves but it would be naive to think most have a hard time. Just because I wouldn't be able to live with it doesn't mean that they have a problem.
Then there is the part about you having a long life ahead of you. You don't. I hope it is true that you have far more years ahead of you than behind you. But even if you live to be a hundred, the time ahead of you isn't long. Life is short. I'm looking at my 59th birthday in less than two months. I could swear I attended my own convocation just about a decade ago. In my head, I know it was almost forty years ago but my heart finds that hard to believe. There is a lot to do and a lot to see in the world. Don't waste your time.
Like your dad and I, you are a hard worker. I told you that hard work never killed anyone. Sorry, it's another lie. Lots of people die from the effects of too much stress caused by too much work. Aim for balance. Hard work is good. Hard play is good. Make time to dream. See the world. Take up a hobby. Exercise your inner artist. Spend time with friends. Dance. Laugh. Live with joy. All work and no play didn't just make Jack a dull boy. It killed him.
In a few years, I imagine you will have children of your own. You will want the best for them as I have always wanted the best for you. You will want them to live their lives with integrity, to be good citizens, to take their responsibilities seriously. You will probably tell them that cheaters never prosper. That they have long lives ahead of them. That hard work never killed anyone. It's what parents do. Just remember to cross your fingers when you say it.
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