Perfect Prey

"Can you hear me screaming? Can you see me crying? Do you taste the bile in my throat as I swallow the pain of being at the end of my own rope? Of course you can't. I wouldn't let you, until now." - Liz Cole

So begins Perfect Prey: Surviving a Cyber Shark's Romantic Fraud written and just released by Liz Cole. I've known Liz for quite a long time. Our children were in daycare together at the home of Janice and David. Janice looked after Jacob before and after school for six years. Liz and her husband Dan, Janice and David, another couple, Liz and Ian and Merv and I became friends over those years. We sometimes got together for dinner, and once spent a weekend at Janice and David's cottage in Sundridge, minus Liz's husband who was apparently busy with business.

In those days, I looked at Liz with a measure of envy. She is tall and attractive, smart and very witty and she always seemed incredibly self assured. One night she invited us all for dinner at the Hoggs Hollow home she shared with her husband and two beautiful daughters. The house was beautifully decorated and spotlessly clean. The meal was a feast. Liz ran her own wellness business. She was accomplished and I believed happy. She had it all.

We moved out of our Hoggs Hollow neighbourhood and Jacob went to a different school. We lost regular contact but I still kept in touch through Janice. I was surprised to learn that Liz and Dan had separated in 2005. Janice didn't really know what had happened and we fretted a bit about how Liz was doing but we didn't have any contact. I wanted to invite Liz to my 50th birthday party but didn't know how to get in touch with her. I thought of her often but our paths did not cross again until June 2007 when we found ourselves sharing the grief of Janice's unexpected death.

The day of Janice's memorial service, I learned from Liz that her life had been in shambles for two years. Her husband left her and the girls, without support, and had moved to California. She had been taken in by a con man who she met through an on-line dating service. She was living with her girls in her mother's Leaside home. And she was reeling. We met for dinner a couple of weeks later and I heard more of her story - a difficult marriage, issues with self-esteem, the shock of being deserted and the embarrassment of being conned. She was working hard to reclaim her power. She hunted down the con man and exposed him on national television. She was looking for an apartment to rent for her and the girls. She was trying to heal. She was writing a book.

Today I got the book. I was engrossed from the opening paragraph. How could I have been so blind?

"It started out small, only one square foot. But as time marched on, the doormat I wove for the men in my life to walk on grew, slowly at first until finally I became wall-to-wall carpet. I don't even remember the runner or area rug phase. I just remember being on my hands and knees spot-cleaning the facts to protect my state of remaining unaware. Women know this lie. It is at the root of so many of our tragedies. It is the product of fear combined with ego to hold on to the status quo. But that's not all. The lie is large and is concealed by talking instead of listening. The lie keeps us in our comfort zone rather than being willing to risk. The lie helps us to pretend and prevents us from asking questions."

I wish now that I had summoned the courage to ask the questions. At some level I was aware that all the bluster and wit was camouflage for the pain Liz was feeling. I'm sorry Liz. I should have been a better friend.

In case you are wondering, Liz got her happy ending. Sixteen months after Janice died, Liz married David. They've each been the healing balm, the other so desperately needed. Perfect Prey is available at Chapters, Indigo and Coles' stores.