Shattered

"Faith is the strength by which a shattered world shall emerge into the light." - Helen Keller

There is not a joint in my body that isn't aching but it is the sense of being emotionally shattered that I am most struggling with today.  All the Advil in the world can't fix that.

We made the long drive to Brantford for the funeral service of Gail's dad yesterday.  Gail delivered a beautiful and powerful eulogy at the service.  The tributes to her dad's legacy were abundant and lengthy.  As lovely as the service was, I was completely drained by the time we headed back to Toronto.  By rights, I should have gone to Montreal the day before to attend the funeral of Jon's uncle.  I just couldn't find the energy to make the ten hour return trip.  I sent flowers, prayers and love knowing it was not enough but this week it was the best that I could do.

I have more work than I can handle these days, for which I am most grateful.  But I've had to make some hard choices and face some hard truths.  At sixty years old, I don't have a lot of 60 hour work weeks in me.  As much as I hate to do it, I have to let some things go.  I will finish up with the private clients I have but barring an unusual circumstance, I won't be taking on new ones.  The work can be rewarding but it is rarely lucrative and it is most always draining.  I will continue my work with corporate clients who are demanding enough and focus my energy on my bread and butter clients.  I'll only be accepting new corporate clients if the work they need done is interesting or fun.  I'm happy to do training, mentoring and executive coaching.  I will do investigations, program building and H.R. strategy.  But my days of going into companies to do the messiest, ugliest, scariest terminations are done.  I'm retiring my hatchet.

 

There is much to do in these short weeks until Christmas.  I have yet to do any shopping.  Jacob has landed a new job beginning in January.  Unlike most businesses, the dress code in the department he will be working in is still quite formal.  So I will be concentrating most of my shopping on getting him a couple of new suits and sports jackets.  Other than that, I will focus my efforts on the kids in the family - not that there are many.  I will get the house decorated over the next couple of weeks.  I decided on a white feather theme this year to remind us that our guardian angels are always near.  Given the state of the world, we can use all the angels we can get.