Looking Back

"It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair…" - Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities

For the first time in many years, I will meet the end of the year with a measure of relief.  2014 was a year of joy and a year of loss, a year of celebration and a year of pain, a year in which I experienced the highest highs in the same week I experienced the lowest lows. 

My business was the slowest it has been in ten years.  Projects were pulled or postponed at the eleventh hour.  Clients were slow to pay their bills or didn’t pay at all.  A lot of people asked for help and advice.  Most of them didn’t want to pay for it. 

We started the year with great joy.  Our dear friend Howard got his new lungs in December 2013.  He was released from the hospital in January.  We had a party before sending him and his wife home to Timmins the week before Easter.  A couple of months later he caught a virus and came back.  On a quiet Sunday in June, his 58^th birthday, he died.  We lost our miracle man.  His wife Lise who had become such a cherished member of our family, went back to Timmins.  We did our best to support her but it was not long before she began to withdraw from us.  Sometime in September she unfriended our whole extended family from Facebook.  She stopped responding to messages.  She stopped picking up the phone when we called. It was a loss I didn’t see coming and one that still has me reeling.  

In April, Merv’s brother, Eric and his partner, Val arrived for a visit.  The day after their arrival, I hosted Courtney’s 21^st birthday with a Disney princess themed dinner party.  I decorated the house with banners, tiaras and fairy lights.  The following day, I replaced the décor with British bunting and Union Jacks as we celebrated Merv’s 60^th birthday.  Their one week with us also included Easter celebrations, a trip to Niagara, visits to all the local tourist spots, cooking, cooking, cooking and endless cleaning. It was fun but by the end of their visit I was ready to fall down with fatigue.

I attended far too many funerals this year.  I lost mentors and friends. In the week of Howard’s death, I lost two old friends.  It was the same week that we celebrated Jacob’s graduation at the top of his university class.  We travelled to Guelph to watch him receive a prestigious engineering award and went back to Guelph two days later for his convocation.  We sent Jacob and Courtney to Italy as a graduation gift.  Courtney moved into our house for the summer.  At the beginning of August I herniated three lumbar discs.  It is the end of the year and I haven’t yet managed a full recovery.  I was in bed for my twenty-fifth wedding anniversary.  I missed a scheduled trip to England for a family wedding.  Merv went alone.  I was grateful Courtney was here to take care of me.  There are some things I can’t ask my boy child to do.  She was wonderful.  In September, Courtney moved back downtown at the start of school.  In November, Jacob and Courtney called it quits.  I am sad.  I miss her.  I’ve maintained my relationships with Jacob’s other exes but I don’t know if I’m going to be able to do it this time. She has pulled away from me. I can only hope she will still find a space for me in her life.

Yesterday marked ten years since we put my mom in the nursing home.  I never expected we would see this anniversary.  She is mentally vacant but her heart is strong.  It is just one more of life's mysteries.

Today I will take down the Christmas decorations and pack the holidays away for another year.  In a couple of days 2014 will slip away quietly.  I will meet the new year with renewed hope for better health and better days for us all.