Serene Reflections

"Serenity is not freedom from the storm, but peace amid the storm." - Anon

Here amid the beauty of Belmont Lake I sat at 6 o'clock this morning and began my period of pre-birthday self-reflection.   Fifty-eight looms on Tuesday.  These last few months, I've been feeling every one of those years.  I've been to the emergency room three times in the past seven weeks, twice for my shoulder and once for my eye.  I've seen an orthopaedic specialist twice, this last time for another look at my shoulder but also to talk about the damage to my ribs from my fall last week.  In the end he decided there is no point in investigating the ribs further.  They are probably fractured but as there is nothing to be done about it, there is no reason to find out for sure.

One disturbing part of my health issues lately has been the toss away comments of the doctors.  The ortho doctor told me my rotator cuff tore because my body is wearing out.  The eye doctor told me the separation of the membrane in my eye is associated with aging.  Seriously?  I know I'm not thirty but I haven't even hit sixty yet.  At this rate I will be a real mess by the time I make it to ninety.

Eventually my ribs will heal and I will, no doubt, get used to the veil on my eye.  I'm counting on adjusting quickly and moving forward.  Every new malady has strangely made my world feel smaller like it's shrinking to accommodate the limits ordained by my problems.   I am naturally far-sighted but now find myself having to pay extraordinary attention to the minutia of my surroundings lest I trip over the sidewalk again or slip on the stairs.  I can't walk down the street absorbing the wide view I have enjoyed all these years.  I don't like dwelling in the small world.

It is a cloudy day at the lake.  The air is heavy and cool.  It is the kind of day best spent reading and thinking.  In a couple of hours I will pop the cork on a bottle of prosseco and think about the past year and the one to come. Birthdays are a good thing and I plan to have lots more of them.