Challenges

“When you feel broken and your resources are down to nothing, Calm Down and pray because God is up to something!” - Carlix Collins

I'm not sure where to start other than by saying it is a good thing I got my pacemaker when I did.  Even with my new efficient heart, the last few weeks have more than sapped my energy.  My resources are depleted, the tank is empty.

While Cath continues to struggle to recover from her recent radiation treatments, Nancy spent nine days in Mt. Sinai.  I took her into emergency two weeks ago when she was suffering from severe abdominal pain.  She needed surgery to remove her gall bladder and was classified on the emergency surgery waiting list as a "C" patient.  That means all the "A and B" patients had priority over Nan.  I took her in on a Tuesday morning and she had her surgery late on Thursday night.  As they were able to do the surgery laproscopically, she was released the following day.  We didn't even make it to the elevator before she collapsed and was readmitted with a case of pancreatitis.  She was there six more days.  So, for nine days, I was at Mt. Sinai for about twelve hours per day.  The first four days I was there alone with Nan.  By day five, Cath felt well enough to join me.  But Cath is still far from recovered from her own trials.  In some ways, it was harder to manage Cath than it was to manage Nan.  Bells and buzzers and loud noises sent Cath into a tailspin of tears every day.  Hospitals are noisy places.  She was nervous and aggresive.   I was desperate to get Nan home.

While I sat at Nan's bedside Monday morning, I got a call from the nursing home.  There had been an accident while my mom was momentarily left unattended and she had suffered a head injury.  I somehow needed to figure out how to be in two places at one time.  Two days later, my mom developed a fever and a respiratory infection.  The following day, one of the nurses noticed that her foot was swollen and discoloured.  Xrays confirmed that her foot is broken.  No incident report was made so we don't know how it happened.

Nan was released on Wednesday and went to stay with Cath for a couple of days.  Stan went to the lake leaving me to care for both my sisters.  Cath can't drive yet so I've had multiple chores to do every day, not just to chauffeur her around but to do her grocery shopping and other errands.  I am also going to the nursing home every day.  My mom has an egg on her forehead, a black eye and the worst facial bruising I've ever seen.  Her bruises end low on her cheek in a large blister. My frustration level is high.  Mom has been a resident of the nursing home for eleven and a half years.  In 2011 she broke her hip when left unattended sitting on her bed.  A couple of years later, she broke her foot.  No incident report was filed.  At least a half dozen times in the last two years, she has had significant bruises.  We don't know how they happened.  I realize she is fragile and it doesn't take much to bruise her skin.  I am not concerned that she is being abused but rather that staff are so concerned for their jobs if they file an incident report that they just don't tell.  The nursing assistant involved in mom's head injury cried for days after the accident happened.  I get that she feels terrible.  I get that accidents happen.  I'm not even angry.  I just want them to figure it out so that it doesn't keep happening. Her tears and contrition along with three dollars will get me a ride on the subway.  

My friend David tells me that periods of adversity are God's way of letting me know that I am loved and trusted.  It is in trying times that we grow.  I don't want to contradict him or complain but frankly I'd be okay with a little less growth right now and a few days of Jackie time to refill the tank.