Anxious

“No amount of guilt can change the past, and no amount of worrying can change the future. Go easy on yourself, for the outcome of all affairs is determined by Allaah’s decree.

If something is meant to go elsewhere, it will never come your way, but if it is yours by destiny, from it you cannot flee.” - Umar Ibn Al-Khattaab

In a few minutes I will leave for Mt. Sinai.  It's surgery day.  I'm filled with anxiety.  I had a bit of a meltdown a couple of hours ago but I have calmed down a bit since then.  I'm wondering why this time is so much harder than the other times I've been through surgery.  This is hardly the scariest procedure I've had.  Maybe it is because it is my heart.  The very essense of being.  The beating of which keeps me alive.  The metaphorical repository for my feelings.

I expect all will go well.  In the event it does not, there is little left unsaid.  The people I love, know I love them.  The rest is out of my control. I surrender.