"Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed. Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude." - Denis Waitley
Ten years ago today, I spent a long, sleepless night praying for time. In the early morning hours of November 9, I would head to Princess Margaret for surgery. It was step one in my breast cancer journey. I was scared, to be sure. I didn't want the pain, but I've had enough experience with pain during my life to know I could handle it. I didn't want the disfigurement but I have enough scars to know I would eventually stop seeing it. What worried me most was that I might not wake up from surgery and that anguish is what filled my thoughts that night. I asked God over and over, for the time to raise my son. Jacob was only fourteen.
My prayers were answered. Jacob is grown now and I have had ten years of joy watching him become an extraordinary man. I got exactly what I asked for. A couple of nights ago, I found myself praying again. I am profoundly grateful for the gift of these ten years but I want more time. A lot more time. I want to dance at Jacob's wedding. I want to hold my grandchildren. I want to revel in retirement. I want to see Paris, Sydney and Tokyo. I want to finish the book I've been working on in dribs and drabs for the past five years. I want to grow old.
Every morning for these past ten years, I have awoken with gratitude. Every morning I have started my day with whispered thanks for the time. I am so lucky. I am so thankful. I am so blessed.
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