The C Word

"Courage is fear that has said its prayers" - Dorothy Bernard

On Tuesday, my darling sister Nancy had another mastectomy. This time the mastectomy was an act of prevention. A recent biopsy turned out to be non-cancerous but still atypical and medical experts encouraged her to have a mastectomy to stop the development of the cancer they were reasonably certain she would get. So Nan took a deep breath, swallowed hard and said okay.

I had to have Nan at the hospital by 6:30 A.M. on Tuesday for her scheduled surgery at 8:00. I slept very little the night before and felt nervous and worried. By 7:00 Nan was taken for pre-op prep and I was advised she would be out of surgery by 9:00 so I grabbed a cup of coffee and sat in the surgical "waiting room". Women's College Hospital gives good care but the hospital is old and unattractive. There is no real waiting room to sit in while a family member is in surgery but rather a dozen chairs in a taped-off area of a corridor where a sign has been posted asking people to keep the area as the "surgical waiting room". There are dozens of other chairs and a large waiting room across the hall for others who are there for appointments. The hospital relies on people to respect the boundary taped on the corridor floor.

So much for the honor system. The "waiting room" was more like a three-ring circus. People who should not have been there, chose to sit there regardless, leaving too few seats for the people who were waiting for hours while their family members were in surgery. The intruders were laughing and talking loudly. There was a young mom and her mother with a small baby in a buggy and a six year old shouting constantly. The mom was there for an appointment. Why in God's name she didn't just leave the kids with her mother while she tended to her appointment was anyone's guess. One man was with his nineteen-year-old daughter who had her boot shod feet firmly planted on her chair while he played games on his smart phone with the volume turned up while simultaneously talking non-stop, every other word beginning with an "F". I was trying to say my rosary quietly in the corner and trying not to cry. By 9:00 I was getting antsy. By 9:30 worried. By 10:00 I was sick. Finally the doctor appeared around 10:30. Nan did very well. He went directly from her surgery into his next and hadn't thought to come out and tell me all was well.

The remainder of the day was long and isolating though the staff treated us with absolute compassion. Nan was in the recovery room for three hours and then moved to surgical day care where I sat with her for another three. She was tired and in pain. I took care of her the best I could and the nursing staff pretty much left me to do that. Around 4:00 she was discharged and I brought her home to Cath's to recover for a few days.

She is doing great. She's eating and sleeping. She has taken no pain medication. She looks well. Of all the "C" words I've been thinking about - cancer, circuses, crying, compassion - I look at Nan and really think of only one - Courage. I'm so proud to have her as my sister.