The Hope Diamonds

"When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure." - Peter Marshall

The 2012 Weekend to End Women's Cancers starts tomorrow. With my walking days behind me, I will spend the weekend working on the crew that supports the 5,000 women and men who will be making the 60K journey. Our theme for our hydration station this year is "The Hope Diamonds". Cath, Nan and I will be decked out in glittery black dresses with pink tights. We will wear sparkly hair clips and, at least in my case, glittery shoes. I've prepared five signs for our station, purchased a couple hundred plastic diamonds to sprinkle around the tables, a couple of thousand stickers and losts of tulle, pink glittery butterflies, and pink silk roses to decorate our station. Unfortunately, heavy rain is predicted for most of the weekend. Today I will be praying hard for a change in that forecast.

This will be the tenth time I have participated in this event - two times as a volunteer, four times as a walker and four times as crew. I am always inspired by the dedication and determination displayed by so many people. I dream of the day we won't need to do this event any more. The day when women's cancers will be a thing of the past. A day when my granddaughters will have and keep two healthy breasts throughout their long lives. And when that happens, we can turn the Weekend to End Women's Cancers into a different event - the Weekend to Celebrate the End of Women's Cancers. That's an event I'd love to attend.

One Cup of Coffee

"When mothers talk about the depression of the empty nest, they're not mourning the passing of all those wet towels on the floor, or the music that numbs your teeth, or even the bottle of capless shampoo dribbling down the shower drain. They're upset because they've gone from supervisor of a child's life to a spectator. It's like being the vice president of the United States." - Erma Bombeck

Since Jacob came home from school last April, my morning ritual has been the same. Get up, make coffee for the two of us, pour myself a cup, read the paper and wait for him to get up before I serve his coffee to him. This morning, I made one cup. I dropped him off in Guelph yesterday afternoon. The car was full to bursting. When I got home, the house was cavernously empty. At least we had the distraction of a dinner party hosted by Nancy and Aivars to celebrate the birthday of my friend Maurice. Maurice had been clear that he didn't want birthday gifts but I was struggling with that so in the small hours of Friday morning when I was still awake, I decided to make him some treats. By 6:00 A.M. I was baking brownies. By 7:30 A.M., I had a batch of chocolate chip cookies in the oven. When I returned from Guelph, I made a tin of peanut butter caramel corn. It was yummy.

By the time we got home from dinner, I was beat. I fell into bed at barely 11:00 P.M., a rarity for me. At 6:30, I woke up with a start. The house is so quiet. It's not that Jacob normally makes noise at that hour of the day, but somehow the silence this morning was deafening.

The Hardest Goodbye

"Food, like a loving touch or a glimpse of divine power, has that ability to comfort."   Norman Kolnas

The shortribs are simmering in the slow cooker and the chili is simmering on the stove. Tomorrow Jacob is going back to school and I'm cooking up a storm to fill his freezer. Before we head to Guelph, we will stop at Costco and shop to fill his pantry. At least I won't have to worry about whether or not he's eating.

 It's hard to believe the summer has already passed. The days are still warm but the nights have become crisp. I will soon pack away my sun dresses and take out my sweaters. The Weekend to End Women's Cancers is little more than a week away. I have a book launch party and a reunion of old friends to look forward to. I'm trying not to be sad. Jacob is leaving. It's still hard.

The First Goodbye

“May the road rise up to meet you, may the wind be ever at your back. May the sun shine warm upon your face and the rain fall softly on your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of his hand.” Irish Blessing

It is once again the season of goodbyes. My kids are going back to school. Tonight Jon came over for a last hug before he heads to Dalhousie in the morning. Tomorrow I will drive Courtney home, her last visit to Toronto done for this summer season. Sometime next week I will say goodbye to John, Sasha, Anthony, Wen Hao and Sara though it seems I saw them so little this summer, we barely said hello. On Friday I will drive Jacob to Guelph. Away from home for another year. I am already crying.

Eventually I'm going to get better at parting. I've had enough practise. I don't know why it's still so hard. It's just so different when Jacob is away. The house isn't just quiet, it's vacant. How one person can leave such a vast void is a mystery. But when he's not here, nothing feels the same. I should like some of it. I've been tripping over five pairs of his shoes at the front door for months now. Even when I put them away in his room, they mysteriously reappear within hours. I've decided to just leave them. In a few more days they will disappear and I suspect I'll miss seeing them greet me as I walk in.

A few nights ago, a bunch of the old Bayview Glen gang went out for dinner. Merv and I were also out. When we got home there were a dozen pairs of shoes at the door. The volume of chatter from the basement was high enough that I wouldn't have been able to hear the TV on the main floor if that's what I had wanted to do. But it wasn't. I greeted the kids and then sat upstairs savouring the sound of their laughter. The whole house was smiling.

The Agony of Defeat

"Winning is not everything, but wanting to win is." - Vince Lombardi

I have enjoyed watching the Olympics these past two weeks. At this point Canada has the same number of medals as we had in Beijing - albeit fewer of them gold. We have only once heard our anthem played as a Canadian medalist stepped onto the podium. It was been thrilling though to see our athletes accept their medals, no matter what the colour.

One thing I have really noticed about the games this time is the unprecedented number of tears being shed during interviews of the athletes. Tiffany Foster wailed on camera after she was disqualified because her horse had an injury. Diver Roseline Filion sobbed through an interview after finishing 10th and BMX rider, Connor McCormack cried pitifully when interviewed following his semi-final race when it turned out he did not qualify for the final. What is up with all the caterwauling? I understand that these athletes are disappointed but these public displays during interviews seem, at least to me, to be rather unbecoming and unsportsmanlike. In contrast, I didn't see the Women's Soccer Team crying after the game they lost to the U.S. team and they had good reason to cry. I know they made some controversial comments about the Norwegian referee but they didn't publicly cry. And Damian Warner exuded happiness when he finished fifth in the decathlon - thrilled to get so many personal bests and to be in London in the company of world class athletes and his family.

When the torch is extinguished on these games tomorrow, it is those athletes I will remember.

The Rock

"Back in Newfoundland, we played in the kitchen because it was the biggest and warmest room in the house.  Now, it's because it's the closest to the fridge."  - Alan Doyle

It is astonishingly beautiful, not to mention probably the friendliest place on earth.  Not a morsel of meat has crossed my lips since Sunday when we arrived.  It has been all fish, all the time.  This afternoon I thought I could feel gills sprouting from my sides.  I must admit there are some things about being in Newfoundland that I didn't expect - like the heat for one thing.  Everyone told me to pack my woolies.  My tiny suitcase is filled by jeans and socks, sweaters and shirts.  I wish there were a few more sundresses and a couple of pairs of sandals.  I knew outside St. John's the communities would be small but I didn't expect the vastness of the space between communities or that many, if not most of them would consist of less than ten houses.  I keep wondering about the lives of these people.  How do they cope with such isolation?  What do they do with their time?  I can't help but think about how small their lives must be.  For much of our trip we haven't even had cellphone service.

But still, part of me can see the attraction.  It is inspiring to be surrounded by such vast natural beauty.  Everyone knows everyone; speaks to everyone; watches out for everyone.  Their lives seem simpler and they seem happy.  We should all be so lucky.

It is a good vacation.  Jacob and Jonathan are great company for one another and fun to be with when we are all together.  Merv and I have guilt free quiet time without worrying that Jacob is bored.  The air is fresh.  The food is delicious.  The land is beautiful.  Who knew Newfoundland would be this spectacular?

Seriously?

"Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped." - Elbert Hubbard

I had a day yesterday - too many demands, not enough hours and only one frayed nerve left. Small annoyances seemed colossally aggravating. At the end of the day though, they were insignificant. But tossing in bed with a bad case of indigestion at 2 o'clock this morning, gave me some time to think about them.

My day didn't start the way I expected. I planned to do an hour of work from home and then begin running around to do the myriad of errands I needed to complete before attending a dinner party hosted by Cath and Stan to send our friend Brian off on his Olympic broadcasting odyssey. Turned out though that I was needed in the office and by the time I went in and completed my meeting, I was a full three hours behind in my schedule. As I was starved, I stopped into the little coffee shop near the office to order some toast with peanut butter. The breakfast hour was past and the lunch hour in full swing. Though I could have ordered a toasted sandwich, I was not, within the guidelines of the cafe, allowed to order toast and peanut butter. After some discussion among themselves, they acquiesced and allowed the order as a special favour. Seriously?

After hitting five stores to pick up various items, I finally made my way to Bayview Village. I went into the greeting card shop to buy a birthday card. When I handed it to the cashier, she asked for my e-mail address. Since when are people required to give an e-mail address when buying a four dollar greeting card? When did it become the standard to be asked for your postal code, e-mail address or phone number when making a cash purchase. Seriously?

Upon leaving the greeting card store, after refusing to give my address, I felt some urgency to visit the ladies room. Now, anyone who knows me, knows that I know the location of every bathroom in every public place I've ever been. When I've got to go - I've got to go and I don't always have the luxury of a lot of time. So, of course, I know where the bathrooms are at Bayview Village. But I haven't been in them since the mall was renovated. I'm pleased to report that the bathrooms are renovated and lovely. The problem is, there are only four stalls. Yesterday, those four stalls were occupied and there were six women lined up ahead of me. Seriously?

It has been a far less annoying day. This morning, I stayed home.