In the Rhythm of 2010

"Action and reaction, ebb and flow, trial and error, change - this is the rhythm of living. Out of our over-confidence, fear; out of our fear, clearer vision, fresh hope. And out of hope, progress." - Bruce Barton

The new year is a week old and I'm finally getting into the rhythm of it. Jacob's last week of vacation is coming to a close. I will be taking him to Guelph on Saturday and I don't expect he will return home again until his reading week in February. I've spent two days in the office at Willow this week and will go back again tomorrow. My mom's eighty-eighth birthday was yesterday. We celebrated in the afternoon with a visit and a small cake. She is recovering from her chest cold and was up and dressed when I arrived.

The holidays were good. I've certainly enjoyed having Jacob home. It was great to have the house filled with young people again. I enjoyed seeing all my kids. Spending time with family and friends was great too. But I am not sorry to see the season come to an end. I like the rhythm of daily life. I enjoy the peace of a slower pace. I've gotten used to our quiet house. Next week Merv will be away on a business trip and Jacob will be back at school. I will have the house to myself. I will clean my closets, spread my beads and jewelry supplies out and create some new pieces, bring my laptop and tea into bed with me and settle in to watch TV in bed late into the night. These are the small luxuries I have come to enjoy in the months since we became empty nesters and I am truly alone in the house when Merv travels. I have found my rhythm. Life is good.

Moving Through the New Year at Breakneck Speed

And ye, who have met with Adversity's blast,
And been bow'd to the earth by its fury;
To whom the Twelve Months, that have recently pass'd
Were as harsh as a prejudiced jury -
Still, fill to the Future! and join in our chime,
The regrets of remembrance to cozen,
And having obtained a New Trial of Time,
Shout in hopes of a kindlier dozen.
~Thomas Hood

These first days of the new year are flying by in a whirlwind of activity. On New Year's Eve three of Jacob's friends came to spend the night at our house. Once they were duly fed, as is our custom, Merv and I walked down the street to ring in the new year with our friends Brian and Geraldine. After a few glasses of champagne, I collapsed into bed at about 2:00 A.M. It had been a long and hectic day - cooking, shopping and cleaning. At about 3:00 P.M. that afternoon, we had made the decision to host a small open house on New Year's Day.

Throwing together a gathering for our twenty guests required a considerable amount of work so I rose early on New Year's day. By ten o'clock I had cleaned up from feeding the boys the night before and was cooking for the party. At 11:00 I made breakfast for the boys - French toast, two pounds of bacon and a whack of eggs. That, of course, meant I had to clean up the breakfast remnants before I could get back to cooking. It turned out I didn't have a single spare moment through the day. It felt like a triumph to get everything done in time for the guests to arrive. I expected people to join us for an hour and then move on to their own plans but most came at 4:00 P.M. and didn't leave until close to 9:30. I put the food away, loaded the dishwasher and collapsed.

Saturday found me with the desire for a pajama day but that wasn't in the cards. Stan's birthday party was scheduled for 6:30. I did a little bit of shopping, applied as much under-eye circle concealer as possible without using a trowel, pulled myself together and headed to Cath and Stan's. It was a fun party with a lot of karaoke singing - our friend Frank's version of "When I'm 64" being the highlight. At about 11:30 we headed home where I really wanted to collapse. But the cup of non-decaf coffee I stupidly drank at 9:00 o'clock played havoc with my ability to sleep. I finally headed to the land of Nod shortly after 2:00 A.M.

Today, as on every other Sunday, I headed to Mom's nursing home to spend a bit of time with her. She has had a really tough week. She has another major chest cold and she suffered a fall last week. She is isolated in her room, fairly uncommunicative and out-of-sorts. I did successfully feed her a couple of small oranges and she drank some ginger ale which gave me considerable pleasure. After an hour with her, Cath and I headed off to the overpass on Victoria Park where we joined a few dozen other people to pay our respects to the passing motorcade on the Highway of Heroes. Sadly, five Canadians (four soldiers and one journalist) were repatriated this afternoon, all casualties of the war in Afghanistan. It was a bitter cold day and the motorcade passed more than an hour after the expected time. I was wearing a warm jacket, hat and hood and two pairs of gloves. I covered my face with a scarf. My feet, clad in socks and lined boots were absolutely freezing. There was a point when I wondered if I could wait it out in the minus 20 degree weather but I did. It was a sad, sad procession - at least a dozen police cars and twenty limousines. Dozens of frozen observers stood on the highway overpass in silence - all there for their own reasons. We don't talk about how we see the war - whether we support it or believe it is futile. Some are there because their sons and daughters are serving. Others because they've lost people dear to their hearts. Some are themselves soldiers, police officers, fire fighters or paramedics. As for me, I'm there for the mothers. I don't want them to think no one cares about their lost children. I believe it is time to bring our troops home. I don't want to stand on the overpass anymore. I don't want there to be any more heartbroken mothers traveling in limousines on frozen highways as solemn strangers wave their flags in tribute to their fallen children. We've lost so many. Please God, no more.

Reflections on a Year Gone By

Ring out the old, ring in the new,
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go;
Ring out the false, ring in the true.
~Alfred, Lord Tennyson, 1850

I've heard many people say in the last days of this year that they will be happy to see the end of 2009. Newscasters, political pundits, economists and friends speak of what a difficult year it was and for many, that was their reality. On balance, though, it was not mine. Though 2009 brought some challenges, it brought many more gifts.

2009 was a year of reconnection. After more than thirty years, I reconnected with my dear friend Miriam. She sent me a letter last spring though with no phone number or email address attached. Through the wonders of the internet, I tracked her down and called her within ten minutes of receiving the letter. It has been truly wonderful. I also reconnected with my friend Sheila and several old friends and colleagues who live outside of Canada. Those connections were a gift from LinkedIn. A family wedding reconnected me with my cousin Francis in Michigan. That has been a true blessing.

2009 was a year of new friendships. Jacob's friend Jonathan has been a member of our family for these past four years and though I love him like a son, it was not until this year that I really became friends with his other mother, Josee - the one who gave him birth. I don't know why it took so long but getting to know Josee and the other members of Jono's family has been a great gift. My friendships with others whose children have filled my home these past years have also deepened in 2009. I feel so blessed to have these wonderful people in my life, most especially Judy and Marc, Samia and Pietro and Nancy and Aivars.

2009 was a year of transition. Jacob graduated from high school with honours and awards and made a successful transition to university. Merv and I managed to successfully transition to life in our empty nest. It is definitely different but a year ago I wasn't sure if I could even survive it. I've done just fine.

2009 was a year of exploration. We spent two weeks in Hawaii in March for our last spring break family trip. In October, Merv and I spent nine days in Rome. Both were amazing holidays and both were high up on my bucket list.

2009 was a year of professional challenge and growth. The demands of my board work escalated. Some of that was great - some less than great. But at the very least it has always been stimulating. I've had some great work assignments this year from team building in Calgary to a successful resolution in my first assignment as a mediator. I've done fraud investigation, policy development, merger and acquisition support, recruitment and business development. I've had work when I needed it and time off when I needed that. In January, I will start a three month consulting contract at my beloved Willow where I will be taking a hiatus from the board while I work at the agency. I am hopeful that the new year will also bring more mediation work.

So 2009, thank you for each day - the gifts and the challenges. I am smarter and wiser than when you started. 2010, bring it on. I'm ready!

Mediating in the Christmas Spirit

It came without ribbons, It came without tags, It came without packages, boxes, or bags. Christmas can't be bought from a store... Maybe Christmas means a little bit more. - Dr. Seuss

Today was day two of the mediation I started last week and as I had feared, the loss of momentum from the first day, started us on the wrong foot this morning. One of the parties was experiencing some buyer's remorse and wanted to roll back the concessions he so grudgingly made last week. Once again, neither party was optimistic that we would reach a deal today. If anything, the divide seemed a little wider than when we started. But it is Christmas week and I went in to this mediation with the firm resolve that we would settle it. I called upon the spirit of the season, massaged a lot of feelings, listened to a lot of angst, ran up and down the stairs a few dozen times (parties on different floors) and hoped with all my might. After five hours, we signed a deal. Handshakes, hugs and Christmas wishes ensued.

I have now put aside all work and thoughts of work until after Christmas. A little more decorating has been done. A few more presents have been wrapped and placed under the tree. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve - my favorite day of the year. Joy to the world!

It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

"Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful." ~Norman Vincent Peale

The big push is officially on to get the house ready for Christmas. Today I decorated the upstairs tree, put the finishing touches on the foyer garland, made a trip to Creative Bag for my holiday wrappings and put out all the candles I bought to compliment my gold and white Italian Christmas theme. It's been a busy day.

Tomorrow I'm planning to prepare the table gifts that I bought in Rome as well as the ten small panettones I bought yesterday as a second gift for each place setting. The panettones will be individually wrapped in gold netting and tied with white ribbon. The men's gifts of murano glass bottle stoppers will be tied to their panettones. The women's gifts of murano glass pendants will be placed in gold and white crystalline bags and attached to their dinner napkins. I think the table will look nice. I plan to pick up a small low arrangement of white roses and will place a few gold candles on the table which will be covered in a white cloth. Elegant but festive is my aim for this year.

The last few days have brought three unexpected gifts - beautiful Christmas ornaments from my young friend Sara, a lovely pair of blue leather gloves from my very generous friend Ginny and a set of dishes and dip bases from my friend Linda. I'm overwhelmed. All of those gifts were complete surprises. I am reminded that I have wonderful people in my life.

As I've been working on the house preparation today, I've been thinking a lot about the challenges and gifts of this past year. Before the calendar changes to 2010, I hope to share some reflections on the year with all of you. In the event I do not find my way back to this blog before Christmas, I wish you the most joyous of holidays.

A Strong-Willed Mediator

“This is a strong-willed mediator who does not want to declare the mediation process dead yet.” - Ken Wasch

Jacob is home and all is right with the world. We picked him up late Tuesday afternoon. He looks wonderful, still struggling with a cold but getting a bit better each day. I'm feeding him well and hugging and kissing him a lot and he's letting me. Today he and I will do some Christmas shopping - I have only a little left to do - really just Merv and I need Jacob's help for that. It's good to have my techie home.

The house painting will be finished today. The painters have done a great job. They've been working long hours because of their diminished numbers and have been trying in earnest to finish as quickly as possible to enable me to get my house ready for Christmas. This morning they told me how much they have enjoyed being in our home as they sense it is filled with love and they are happy to be here in this Christmas season. For the first time this year, I can say I'm really happy with the service that has been provided through a home renovation company. I will be recommending this company, Finer Edge and these men in particular, to everyone I know who is looking for painters.

Yesterday I launched my mediation practice with an employment dispute between an engineering firm and a long-time employee. Neither side went into the mediation with much optimism that a resolution could be reached but I was determined to get us there. Unfortunately we didn't quite make it but the process is not over yet. It took much of my day to get any movement on one side but once we were there, we began to gain momentum. As the day unfolded, the parties threw hurdles into my path - one after the other. The corporate representative didn't have the authority to make a deal. We started late to accommodate travel needs but a certain party neglected to tell us that she was required to leave early to attend to a family commitment. High emotions and hurt feelings needed a great deal of massaging. We ran out of time. The good news is that the parties all agreed to reconvene next Wednesday and try to get the rest of the way there. I'm hoping the Christmas spirit will have invaded all their psyches by then and we will actually reach an agreement that will make everyone feel like they've won.

No More Sleeps

“Never invest in anything that eats or needs painting” - Billy Rose

One of our painters went home sick yesterday and by this morning they were dropping like flies. We have two painters left which means there is no way they can finish tomorrow. The crew supervisor is now telling me Friday will be the completion date. The painters don't look so sure. I'm hoping they can at least finish the living room and dining room today so we can begin to put some order back into those rooms. It's going to take me a couple of days to refill the cabinets and get those rooms in order for Christmas. I also can't manage to stay in the house with the painters for the next four days so I've finally broken down and given the painters a key. Jacob and I will be home tomorrow when they are here but I'm out at mediation on Thursday and I'm sure Jacob will be visiting his friends. The painters seem like good guys so I will just trust that all will be well.

The end of exams finally comes for Jacob this morning. Merv and I will be driving to Guelph this afternoon to pick him up. I've been like a little kid these past two weeks, counting the number of sleeps until Jacob's arrival home for the holidays. I got up this morning with a sense of excitement. No more sleeps. Today is the day he is finally coming home. In a few minutes I will head out to the grocery store to lay in a supply of comfort foods. I plan to fatten Jacob up a bit while he is home.

I attended a moms dinner last night hosted by Antoinette, mother of Anthony, one of the seven boys who I count as my sons. Only Judy, Nancy and I were able to get there in this busy holiday season. But we had the unexpected pleasure of being joined by Antoinette's husband, John and Nancy's husband, Aivers. Antoinette is a great cook and she made a delicious meal which left me completely stuffed. Anthony is home from school for the holidays so I got a chance to hug and kiss him. He lives in residence at York University's Glendon College which is only about two kilometers from our house. As much as I had hoped he would come and visit, he has not, nor has Robbie, who attends University of Toronto. I bought Olympic gear for each of my seven boys and sent five of those items as care packages to the other boys. I was holding out with Anthony and Rob in the hope they would visit me but I brought Anthony's last night and sent Robbie's home with Judy.

I'm hoping all my boys will find some time to gather here during the holidays. I miss them all so much.