Rants and Raves

“Tiger! Tiger! burning bright
In the forests of the night,
What immortal hand or eye
Could frame thy fearful symmetry?”

- William Blake

The salient details of Tiger Woods' dalliances have filled the news these past two weeks. Once again the Toronto Star ran a front page feature today. Merv and I went to a party last night and the Tiger saga was the talk of the night. I can't figure out why this story still has legs, two weeks after it first broke. NBC ran a special investigation story on Friday night. CNN has dealt with every aspect of the story (or sometimes non-story) as breaking news. The unveiling of each new tryst has been headline news. Why? Tiger Woods is a professional athlete. He is not a politician. He is not a priest. I don't ever recall him standing in front of a microphone and saying that he is a paragon of virtue or a role model for our children. I've never heard him sling mud at another man who has violated his wedding vows in the same way. He's a golfer - arguably the best golfer in the world, but a golfer just the same. Christmas is on our doorstep. People are starving in Africa. The war rages on in Iraq and our soldiers continue to die in Afghanistan. Our unemployment rate is high and many of our neighbours are struggling to get through tough times. Instead of spending time focusing on Tiger's broken marriage, perhaps we could better spend our time and energy on figuring out how to heal our very broken world. Tiger turned out to be a cad. Who cares?

Merv and I went to the theater on Friday night to see "Stuff Happens". Frankly, it was a bit tedious, feeling more like a docu-drama than like a night of entertainment. Merv slept through most of it and I didn't poke him to wake him up until he snored. We have a Mirvish subscription so each month we see a production at one of the Mirvish theaters. Friday night we were at the Royal Alex. I remember the days when a night at the theater brought out people in their finery. Now, the dress of choice for the vast majority seems to be jeans. Friday night, even jeans seemed above the standard of many in the crowd. There were a lot of sweat pants and apparel so sloppy, I wouldn't dress that way to go to the grocery store. Other things at the theater have changed too. It used to be that patrons were required to enjoy their intermission drinks and snacks in the lobbies and reception rooms. Food and drink were not allowed in the seating areas. Now, consumables are welcomed in the theater. Small tumblers of soft drinks have been replaced with McDonald's style lidded cups filled with ice and drinks slurped noisily through straws. Though candy is sold in lidded containers, patrons bring in treats in cellophane bags which they crunch and crumble even in the quietest of moments. People talk and shuffle. The man next to me on Friday was clearly struggling with gas - burping and tooting throughout the night. I miss the days of civility at the theater.

Last evening's dinner at our neighbours' home was an absolute delight. Their eclectic group of eleven guests meshed as if we were long-time friends. Susan and Mike, as always were warm and gracious and they served an outstanding Indian meal. By the end of dinner, I was so stuffed I didn't know how I would summon up the skills to waddle home. I can hardly recall a night spent in better company. We were a rainbow of people who shared the commonalities of passionate parenthood, interest in world events and joy in the camaraderie of friends. The evening felt like a blessing and a celebration of our good fortune in living in a city of diversity and for Merv and I, in an neighbourhood of community and wonderful people.

Walking With Cake

"As in earlier days were our mechanics, such today are our engineers, who may be required not only to tear down a fortress, and then to build it up again, but also to produce all sorts of engines based on mechanical principles, and with equal ease to defend or to annihilate a fortress." - Jakob Leupold

I found myself struggling to sleep at 3:00 this morning. I can't believe I'm having exam anxiety again though I've been out of university for thirty-four years. It is exam week for Jacob and he has been fraught with anxiety over the mechanics exam he was writing this morning. He wrote his calculus exam last Monday and felt he had done well. Yesterday morning he wrote computer programming after which he sent me a text message that read "Cake walk". But mechanics is another story. He was so worried about it. That, of course, meant I was also really worried - thus my inability to sleep. I had to be up very early this morning, in any event, as the painters were scheduled to arrive at 7:30 and I really don't want to greet them in my pajamas. I got up, dressed, made a pot of strong coffee, greeted the painters and prayed for Jacob's success. I summoned my best mother energy to send him, called on the spirit of my dad and all the loved ones my dad keeps company with and waited. Jacob's exam was at 8:30. Allowing for the two hour time frame, I expected to hear from him around 10:45. At 10:08, my blackberry dinged. I took a deep breath and read the message, "Finished in an hour. Once again, walking with cake".

I can't even begin to express my relief and my delight. I called Jacob immediately. We were both giddy. He plans to take a day off from studying and just have some fun today. I'm was happy to hear that. Monday night he will write his chemistry exam. Tuesday morning he will write his exam in engineering design. Tuesday afternoon he will be home. I can hardly wait.

And though I'm housebound with painters for the next four weekdays, I'm still having some fun. I shared an enjoyable holiday dinner last night with my friends Jen and Mike who were colleagues at Alliance Atlantis. Tonight Merv and I will be at the Royal Alex to see Stuff Happens. Tomorrow night we will have dinner with our neighbours. Life is good.

Tests and Exams

“The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.” - Tom Bodett

The last couple of days have been brutal, in the business sense. Some serious problems requiring a great deal of my time and energy arose at one of the agencies where I sit on the board. It's not that I can't take it in stride, it's just that I hate seeing how much it upsets other people. It will, no doubt, all get resolved but feelings and reputations will be unfairly bruised in the process. I'm still trying to figure out why people just can't be kinder to one another.

My early morning found me downtown trying to deal with issues. Traffic was horrible and though I left very early, it took me more than an hour to get where I needed to go. I was fortunate enough to find a parking spot on the street in front of the building. I ran outside twice to feed the meter. I know the parking cops are on the street regularly checking parking validations. I got waylaid on my way to the elevator when leaving. The five minute delay in getting to my car cost me $30. I swear the cop must have been standing next to my car waiting for the clock to turn over so he could issue the ticket.

I needed to race home to meet the painter who was coming in to do the colour match for the painting that will now be starting Friday instead of Thursday. I'm starting to think I may pass on putting up two trees this year. Perhaps we will settle for just one tree downstairs. It's going to be hard enough to get the house ready for Christmas once the painters are done. I am scheduled to do a mediation on the 17th (my first in the role as mediator) and the painters don't expect to be finished until the 16th. Challenges abound. Much of the last few days has felt like a colossal test of my juggling skills.

After getting off a late board call tonight, I texted Jacob to see how he is doing. He is in the middle of exams and I'm trying to be extra supportive. He's not having a good day. For a start, he is sick again, struggling with a sore throat, congestion and fatigue. He is tired of the food at school. Tired of his "jail cell" dorm room. Worried about his mechanics exam. He wants to come home. I offered to drive to Guelph, and check him into the hotel across the street from campus where he could enjoy a large, comfortable bed, peace and quiet and room service. I offered to pick him up and bring him home for the weekend. I offered to bring him homemade soup and a humidifier for his room. He declined all offers. He says as long as he knows that I will be here when he gets home on Tuesday after his last exam, he will be all right. He can tough it out. I admire that he is being so brave. It's good to know he misses home so much but I wish it was easier for him. As much as he misses being here, it's not nearly equal to how much I miss having him here. He's being brave. Me - not so much.

Chaos and Carols

“What we imagine is order is merely the prevailing form of chaos.” - Kerry Thornley

The window and door saga has finally reached its conclusion. The patio door was properly fixed on Wednesday putting an end to the longest window installation project in history. I am relieved to be done with it and happy to see the end of the stream of incompetent service men who have trooped through my house for the past six months. But the end of window installation has really just brought us to our next project. The painters start on Thursday. We are already living in chaos as Merv started the process today of packing up and moving all the breakables in the china cabinets in the living room, dining room and foyer. The painting should take three to four days which will put the end around December 15. I had a plumber in on Wednesday to deal with the guest bathroom leak that resulted in water damage to the dining room ceiling. He sealed the leak but left us with a big hole in the dining room ceiling. Merv took care of it this weekend. We are pretty much ready for the painting to begin.

Because I will be housebound again this week and next, I've been trying to get my Christmas shopping finished. I spent a few hours at Vaughn Mills on Friday and stopped into Fairview Mall this afternoon. The malls were crowded and exceedingly noisy. I've never heard so many crying babies and seen so many badly behaved children in my life. I don't handle the chaos as well as I used to. I did as much shopping as I could do in the time I could handle being in the malls, both times fleeing before I lost the few vestiges of sanity I have left. I will try again tomorrow, this time at Bayview Village. Perhaps Monday shopping will be a little less chaotic.

I arrived at The Houses of Providence today in time to enjoy the last fifteen minutes of a holiday concert. Mom was in the great room enjoying the entertainment along with the other residents. It was good to see her there. She was mostly alert and at times even smiling. Many of the residents joined in singing carols with a small choir accompanied by a two guitar and keyboard trio. I sang along too. I love Christmas carols.

Christmas is my favourite time of the year. I usually count days in the last weeks of November so I can start decorating the house come December 1. This year, decorating will have to wait until the painting is finished. For the next couple of weeks, I will be singing a lot of carols and drinking a lot of eggnog to keep myself in the spirit of the season.

Housebound

"Our houses are such unwieldy property that we are often imprisoned rather than housed in them." - Henry David Thoreau

The new patio door was finally delivered yesterday to replace the shattered one that we've been living with for the last three months. The service man put it in, holding his breath throughout the installation. I was relieved to get it done. The final work to the repair to the kitchen cabinet was also scheduled for this morning. That left me just one more day to have to greet a service man at 7:20 A.M. The early morning visits have been brutal. I don't feel I can greet someone in my pajamas or robe so I've been getting up long before the sun to get myself together. That would be okay if I could sleep at night but sleep has been illusive lately.

I had a board meeting last night that went on far past the scheduled time. When I got home, well after 10:00 I noticed a note Merv had left on the banister. There is a problem with the new door. Though it is unusual, Merv was still up so I followed him to the basement to look at the problem. The new door doesn't slide properly. Attempts to glide it result in it tipping up from the track. Add to that, there is a distinct breeze coming through the bottom of the door - enough that it blows out a lighter held to the base. God help me. I sent a note to the window company today which surprisingly was answered immediately though it was close to 11:00 P.M. They would send someone out ASAP and call me in the morning with details.

So, I have been housebound all day waiting for the call or the service man. I just called them for the second time today only to learn no one will come to look at it until tomorrow. I did, however, have a painting service come in to give me an estimate to do the painting in the foyer, living room and dining room that are now required because of the damage done from the window installation. They will start next week. In the meantime, a plumber will be here tomorrow to work on the leak in the guest bathroom that resulted in water damage to the dining room ceiling. The time frame for his visit is 10:00 A.M. to 4:00 P.M. so I guess I'm housebound again tomorrow.

Some days, being housebound isn't a big deal. Yesterday I used the time to prepare an investigative report for a client, do some work for one of my boards and complete some Christmas gift projects. I really hoped to get out today to get some errands done but instead I spent my day waiting. Tonight I have another board meeting so those errands aren't going to get done today.

The consolation for me in all of this, is that if all goes well, the house will be perfect for Christmas. The painting should be finished by December 15. I plan to take the following ten days to turn our home into a welcoming Christmas wonderland.

Of Pharaohs and Princes

“They say the Pharaohs built the pyramids Do you think one Pharaoh dropped one bead of sweat? We built the pyramids for the Pharaohs and we're building for them yet.” - Anna Louise Strong

Merv and I spent a few hours at the Art Gallery of Ontario today visiting the King Tut exhibit. It has been thirty years since the exhibit was last in Toronto and though I saw it then, today it all seemed brand new. I was amazed when we were in Rome last month as I looked at art that was two thousand years old. But the pieces I saw today were close to a thousand years older and were created with an artistry that made those early Roman pieces look primitive. It has been quite a number of years since I last visited the AGO. It is a very different gallery than it was before it's addition and renovation a couple of years ago. It is truly magnificent. I will make it a point to visit more often.

When we finished at the AGO, we headed to Guelph to take our prince out for dinner. Merv had sourced a restaurant on-line before we went. When we arrived at Turtle Jack's we found a large crowd and a long line. Trusting that was a sign of good food, we waited about forty-five minutes for a table. The food took another half hour to be served but it was hot and very tasty. The truth is none of us really minded the long wait. It stretched out our time together and gave us a chance to talk and catch up. Jacob looks great. His hair is all grown in and looks perfect. His colour is back, eyes and skin are clear and while still a bit skinny, he looks like he has regained a couple of pounds. I sighed with relief when I saw him.

In just two weeks, Jacob will be home for Christmas. I can hardly wait. He is moving into the home stretch of his first semester at school, still doing well and starting to make plans for next year. He would like to move out of residence and share an apartment with some friends but he hasn't worked out the logistics of that yet. For one thing, he doesn't want to share with the guys who want to share with him. He says he likes them well enough but has no interest in living with them. He wants to share with people who are more like him and more like his friends from Bayview Glen. He knows what it is like to have friends who support one another and share values. He wants no less for himself now. Merv and I are both impressed with his judgment and maturity.

As always, the short hours we had together evaporated all too quickly. I think I have one more lunch or coffee visit in me before I pick him up for the Christmas holiday. My eyes were welling up and my throat was tightening as I hugged Jacob goodbye. I'm trying but it's still hard.

Mindless

"Of all the things I've ever lost, I miss my mind the most." - Anon

I spent a couple of hours on Queen Street yesterday scouring my favorite bead stores for special items to make some Christmas gifts. I was really pleased at what I found. After spending some time shopping for glass beads at one side of Arton, I moved over to their premium store to buy some sterling, pearls and crystal. It was a satisfying trip. I could feel my creative juices flowing. Nancy was with me and she saw some lovely (but very small) pearls that she thought she would like to find under the tree at Christmas made up into a twisted, six strand, pearl bracelet. After an hour of shopping, my stomach began growling. There is a nice Japanese restaurant down the street from Arton so we decided to head there for lunch.

The restaurant was extremely crowded though it was already well after 1:00 P.M. when we arrived. The great thing about it is that it is a buffet without being a buffet. For $11 at lunchtime, each diner is given a long menu from which to order as much or as little food as desired. The sushi is fresh and delicious. I ordered salad, California roll and tempura hand rolls, vegetable tempura, yakitori and green tea ice cream. I was happy to see Nancy eat a full meal too, such a rarity these days.

After lunch, we hit more bead stores and some fabric stores. I didn't buy anything more. After I dropped Nancy off, I drove with great anticipation. When I get home from the bead store, I love to open the bags and lay out my purchases. I turn the beads and stones over in my hand to get a feel for working with them and I start making plans. It is hard to explain to someone else because I know it sounds pretty crazy, but I listen to the stones. Eventually, they tell me what they want to become.

I pulled into the garage, parked and reached for my purse and my bag of beads. I had my purse, but no bag. The bag wasn't in my purse, wasn't in the backseat or under one of the front seats. I called Nancy to see if she had taken my bag in by mistake. She had not. I checked the car again. Checked my purse again. No beads. I felt sick. I tried to retrace in my mind when I had last had the bag - it was at lunch. I couldn't call the restaurant because I didn't know its name. There was nothing more to be done. It would have to wait for this morning.

So today, I was back on Queen Street, back at the Japanese restaurant, gratefully retrieving yesterday's purchases. I was prepared to accept the scenario however it turned out. I promised myself I wouldn't beat myself up about it if it turned out that I wasn't able to recover my treasures. I hate that I'm so absentminded these days. I hate that I can never find my car keys or that I lose my car in parking lots or leave bags behind in restaurants. I don't know if it is normal aging or having too much on my mind, the remnants of chemo brain or the onset of Alzheimer's. All I know is that I miss my mind a lot.