Empty

It takes more than just lemons to make lemonade,

My fruit bowl overflows with them.

If there is nothing to sweeten the juice,

There is no potable drink to be enjoyed.

Perhaps you could stop telling me to make lemonade.

 

I am fully aware that I have a blessed life,

There is no one more grateful than I,

But I still feel sadness and pain.

Perhaps you could stop telling me to be grateful.

 

Just for a while I don't want to be strong, 

I want someone else to be strong for me.

I want someone to take over for a while

And give me a break from caring for the needs of so many.

I know you want to set your empty cup on my table

Expecting it to be filled day after day.

I have done my best, but it is impossible to pour from an empty teapot.

Right now my teapot is empty

And if you don't allow me to refill it,

We will all die of thirst.

Pure Magic

 
I have a young friend, Kai, who for some reason, believes I can fix anything that he has broken.  He is five years old, the grandson of a dear friend.  So when he broke his souvenir magnet and his acrylic fish, he brought them to his grandmother and asked if she could ask Auntie Jackie to fix them.    Those repairs required nothing more than a bit of glue and pretty much looked like new when I was done.

 

But a few weeks ago, he knocked on my door and handed me the remnants of a broken snow globe.  He loved the souvenir his mother had brought back for him from a business trip to Vancouver, so much so, that a vigorous shake got away from him and he dropped it, shattering the glass and the small pieces inside it.  He asked me if I would fix it for him.   I told him I wasn't sure there was much I could do, not only was the globe broken but the three totem poles inside the globe were also broken, missing their heads and arms and some pieces at the bottom.  Added to that, there were shards of broken glass sticking up from where the globe had been affixed.  I told him I would do my best.  On the way out the door he gave me a hug and asked me how it was that I could fix everything.  I told him that I did it with magic.

 

For the next couple of days, I struggled to figure out what to do with the pieces.  No amount of effort was going to fix that snow globe.  I turned to the internet in an effort to replace it, but try as I might, I could not find the same snow globe anywhere.  So I filed down the glass shards, filled the well in the base with resin, glued what was left of the totem poles back on and then poured a resin coat on the base.  There was nothing I could do about the globe.  It was a bit sad but the best I could do so I returned it to Kai as repaired.  His mother sent me a thank you video.  He may have felt okay about the repaired piece that was returned to him, but I had told him I have magical powers and it didn't look at all magical to me.  A few days after I returned it to him, I found out Jacob and Amanda were going to Vancouver.  I described the snow globe to Amanda and asked her to keep an eye out for a replacement.  Amanda messaged me from the Vancouver airport when they were headed home.  They found and purchased a snow globe matching my description.  

 

Last week, I asked Kai's grandmother to tell Kai that I wanted the snow globe back as I had an idea how I could fix it a little better.  I didn't know if the one that was to replace it was identical or not, but I started concocting a story to explain any differences to Kai.  Yesterday, I got the new snow globe.  They are identical.  

 

It may seem silly to some that I put so much effort into fixing this trinket for Kai, but it has been a very long time since anyone thought of me the way Kai does.  His grandmother has been sworn to secrecy.  For now, at least, Kai will believe I fixed his snow globe, as good as new.  And for a while, I will get to be magic.

Please Don't Tell Me

 

Please don't tell me that I'm strong,

Not because it isn't true but because it is like telling me my eyes are brown.

Don't assume my burdens are easier to bear because I am strong,

They are as heavy for me as they would be for you,

But they are mine to carry like a million pounds of lead crushing my body and my soul.

I do not carry them out of some sense of nobility, but because I have no choice.

 

Tell me some jokes.

Send me pictures of your adventures and videos of your grand babies learning to walk.  

Have tea with me and we will plan the adventures we will have together one day.

Remind me that it won't always be like this.

That better days will come.

Don't tell me to be grateful and to focus on my blessings.

No one is more grateful than I am.

There is room for weariness and gratitude to co-exist..

Have a good gab with me about politics and social trends,

About fashion and books and memories of the days when we were young. 

Tell me your stories, your hopes and your dreams.

Just please, don't tell me I am strong.

Today I don't want to be strong.

Today I just want to be happy.

 

.

Ring Ring

 

My name is not Diane 

I never owned a dog named Ginger 

I don’t need my ducts cleaned 

I don’t have a credit card with your bank 

There are no suspicious charges on my credit card from Amazon 

You are not going to suspend my Social Insurance Number 

You are not coming to arrest me if I don’t pay the tax money I don’t owe 

I am not interested in increasing my monthly giving to your agency 

I don’t speak Arabic 

I don’t want to change internet/phone/cable providers 

I’m not selling my house 

I don’t need my roof done 

I don't need new windows 

I don’t need my driveway repaved 

My computer is not infected by a dangerous virus

My soul does not need saving but I think perhaps yours does. 

If Today is Our Last Day

 

If Today is Our Last Day 

 

If today is our last day 

Let it be remembered for the brilliance of the sun as it glistened on the morning dew, like diamonds on the grass. 

 

If today is our last day 

Let it be remembered for the sweetness of the birdsong and the fragrance of the lilacs. 

 

If today is our last day 

Let it be remembered for the warm breeze as it caressed a thousand shades of green leaves. 

 

If today is our last day 

Let it be remembered for the taste of rich coffee and fresh bread and berries eaten straight from the garden. 

 

If today is our last day 

Let it be remembered for the magnificence of the sunset splashing a spectrum of colours across the fading sky. 

 

If today is our last day 

Let it be remembered for the glow of the silver moon pulling us into its tides. 

 

If today is our last day 

Let it be remembered for the certainty and steadfastness of our love, always and forever. 

in the broken

standing in the broken

fragments of shattered minds around my bare feet

wondering how to move forward without cutting myself to the bone

wondering how long i can stand here before my legs give out and i fall into the shards

 

after a while i begin the calculations

if I step one inch forward, perhaps i can reach some gloves

one tiny nick in my toe but not enough to stop me

i use the gloves to pick up the shards in front of me

a few at a time

the smallest are too hard to get but sharp enough to hurt my feet

finally through the fragments, i wash my feet and pluck out the tiny shards

they sting but there is nothing to do but dab on a bit of salve and bandage the worst of the cuts

i will rest tonight knowing that tomorrow i will find myself in another shard strewn path

the shards of shattered minds are not my own

at least for now

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Certain

Certain

It’s silly really, a woman of a certain age dividing my life into before and after I lost her.
She was very old, living in a world I couldn’t reach, beyond signs of recognition or communication
But she loved me.  

I am certain of that.

How old do I have to grow before I don’t feel the longing for her presence anymore?
How long until I stop feeling the loss of being able to talk over my troubles with her?  
It has been decades since she could advise me, but still she loved me. 

 I am certain of that.

Perhaps that is the hardest loss, knowing that no one will ever love me that way again
A mother’s love is unlike any other; I learned that when I had my own child.   He is a man now and doesn’t need me in the ways he once did.  But still, he knows I love him.

 I am certain of that.